My freshman year roommate and I did not get along. Maybe it was because she had 0 friends and spent 4 out of the 7 nights of the week crying to her boyfriend on Skype for breaking up with her, or maybe it was because I left milk in our fridge over winter break and when she got back the entire room smelled like curdled death (to be fair, I left a full week before she did so like why didn’t you take the milk out of the fridge before unplugging it, idiot?), but either way we didn’t make it a full year living together.
Shit got bad, but luckily for the both of us it never got as bad as any of these stories. Neither of us were Nazis, we didn’t masturbate loud enough for the whole dorm to hear and thank heavens she never “accidentally” peed on me.
My roommate was a born again christian who did not allow alcohol or women in the room. If he saw alcohol he would go to the floor manager and demand a room check since we were not allowed on campus. The floor manager would come in and ask “do you have alcohol” and I would reply “no”. The floor manager would try to leave and the roommate would burst in from the hallway and say “yes, he does!!!” but would not find it. I hid it in his closet every time. He never figured that part out.
Literally the same process would happen with women in the dorm after 11pm. Same two act play, same hiding place.
He would always scream about the women when they came in. “My momma didn’t raise me to shack up with no woman,” was his favorite phrase.
I asked more and more women to come in and stay until exactly 10:59:59pm every night. Eventually he dropped out of college from the stress.
I guess I am the monster.
I had a roommate who was racist and obsessed with WWII Nazi. Thought it was just in a History Channel kind of way. He chose to read “Mein Kampf” for a class. Then he started writing juvenile bathroom graffiti in German in the stalls. He became upset when he found out I dated a black girl in high school. Then the swastikas started showing up graffiti in the dorm elevator, along with “N*ggers” drawn in a noose.
He had a knife collection.
He seriously came back after the first week with an End table, folding lounge chair, and an easy chair, despite the fact that the room had no real extra space for it any of it.
He smelled, and tried to get rid of the room smell with a whole can of peach Renuzit one day. He left food garbage in his trash, left for the weekend, and when I empty it because it was smelling, got mad at me for touching his stuff. Said he “take care of me” if I did it again.
He said he hated kids. He was a special Ed major. I asked why he majored in that if he hated kids. He said “There are 52 Special Ed majors in this school and I am 1 of only two guys.”
Moved out the start of next semester, as soon as they’d let me. Paid the extra money for a single the next year.
My roommate was this geeky 400 pound guy who watched Sailor Moon in the original Japanese. He had a tiny redheaded girlfriend who regularly beat the shit out of him in daily life, and he let her. On like 6pm on a Thursday, he suddenly asks me if I can vacate the dorm room until 11, as they’re going to have some romantic time. I was a little pissed he gave me no warning, but left anyways. Get back at midnight and walk into a scene of her in black vinyl bondage gear with a riding crop and a taxi driver’s hat, riding him, with him covered in welts from head to toe. Noped the hell right out of there.
I had a university flatmate who was a bit crazy. It started out with her just stealing my food – I couldn’t leave anything in the kitchen for more than 12 hours or she’d have it – and putting passive aggressive notes up in our kitchen calling me a liar (I have food allergies but apparently I was making them up). She was nasty to anyone I had over. She took all my crockery and put it on top of the cupboards so I couldn’t reach it and I had to climb up and get it all down. She then convinced all of the guys in my flat to take the kitchen furniture and pile it outside my door so I couldn’t get out of my room. I got the flu, she spent a day screaming at me through the wall whilst I alternately cried and slept until my parents came and drove me home. It got to the point where I was considering dropping out of university, but I asked to be put in another flat as a last resort. I got moved into a flat with 5 guys and it was so much messier but so much nicer.
My roommate once invited a girl that was kicked out of her house to stay with us. Keep in mind our dorm room was barely larger than a prison cell. I listened to them fuck on the bottom bunk more times than I care to remember.
Freshman year college had bunkbeds. Drunk roommate comes home before me. He sleeps on top. He drank too much. He wet the bed….like an open fire-hydrant apparently. I came home later and sat down in a flash flood puddle on mine soaked to the core.
Needless to say I threw it in the shower and told him to get me a new one.
Bitch didn’t pay rent for 3 months and we didn’t know until AFTER our lease was up. Was just resolved 6 months ago and graduated 2 years ago. Will never sign a joint lease again
My first roommate, oh the memories. Very heavy, very socially awkward and definitely psychotic. Often mumbled to himself with shifty eyes, ate my food, and was either railing against the evils of religion out trying to get me to join the Army Of The Virgin or some other catholic sect.
He often lounged around in his tighty whiteys and refused to clothe himself if I had guests or girls over. He would just sit down and put a blanket over his lap. I walked in on him jackin’ it or blaring porn a number of times, with which he used my tissues. He would also have long phone arguments with his girlfriend, who according to the wallet photo he had of her, was Greedly from Captain Planet.
The kicker for me was when he had a breakdown and called the RA and a counselor in to talk with him while I was writing a paper. He is highly agitated and at one point said “I just looked over at demonjuices while he was asleep and thought to myself I should just take out my knife and kill him ave then myself. No offense demonjuices.” I was in the zone with the paper so I automatically replied “none taken” then did a double take as the horror dawned on me. Nonplussed eye contact with my RA.Noped the fuck out and moved to a different floor. This will probably be buried but hopefully someone can benefit from my past misery.
I had a roommate that jacked off CONSTANTLY. I would unlock the door (which was on old school push combination lock, so it took a few seconds THANK GOD) and enter, and hed be shutting his monitor off with his hand over his pants.
This seriously happened so much that I had TO ACTUALLY HAVE A TALK WITH HIM ABOUT IT after bringing girls over once in a while who would catch him in the act with me and suddenly no longer be “in the mood”.
‘Sharon’ used to eat in her room and then slide the plate under her bed. She’d do this every day until my other roommate and I couldn’t bare the stink anymore (and needed plates for our own dinner). She also regularly invited her drug dealer boyfriend over to hang out in our apt during the day. Several times I came home to find deals taking place in our living room. Eventually the cops were called by one of our neighbours and we (not him) were interrogated and searched. Oh and there’s the time she left a sanitary towel ‘sunnyside up’ on the toilet seat in our shared bathroom. I could go on…
She got mad when I moved her clothes to the dryer after they’d been sitting in the washer for a day and a half.
I am in college and my roommate currently likes to jerk off and leave his used cum issues all over the floor. I have told him to clean up after himself a million times. No flushing or throwing them away. Grosses me out so bad and I never bring my girlfriend to my house because of it.
[Via Reddit]