I kinda giggle to myself when thinking of all the people I just wish would’ve shut the fuck up in class and were on fire over my college days. Let’s be honest, we all have had those kinds of people we just wish were never alive or in the class to begin with. For me that was my final semesters geology class. First let me say that as a Senior I should never had been in that class, due to a University fuck-up, but let’s not get into that. So, as I said, Geology 1006; a sequel to the 1005 level. This class was a blow-off class that athletes and freshman take to fulfill their science requirements. Unless you were one of the 2% of students who majored in it. These classes were infamous for having nearly 200 students in them and in a class that size your first instinct is to look around and see who you recognize, which for me with my senior status wasn’t hard. The even more weird thing about being in a class that size is that on day one, you’re picking the seat you will be occupying for the rest of the semester, regardless of if there is assigned seating or not; which typically there isn’t.
Day one of my final semester was upon me and I was more than happy to have a few bullshit classes I could just coast my way to graduation with. I picked a fairly conservative seat in the middle level of an auditorium-style classroom, so not really to far or too close to the teacher. Now that you have a clear image of where I’m sitting, the only other thing left to do was watch the door and see which girls I was going to be hitting on in class and which of my boys I would be judging people with. The class is filling up quick and people are sitting in the seats all around, except in my general area. Now I’m not an ugly dude, by any means, so I like to think that people feel intimidated by me and sit just far away enough for me not to think that they aren’t really that attracted to me. Wrong. I’m well aware of the tactics women use when deciding where to sit for the next few hours. Much like how Brett Favre knows how to look off the safety before hitting Donald Driver in-stride for a huge gainer. Finally the class has settled down in the seats and I had the privilege of sitting next to a 280 lb. dude to my right, a chatter-box adult learner with questions about fucking everything to my left, and my Ex right in front of me. Fuck.
First class of the first day and I already wanted to drop. The big guy to my right I didn’t mind because he ended up being pretty cool. I just assumed I was going to be miserable because bigger guys tend to sweat in the later months of summer and that shit doesn’t fly with me. The lady to my left was the biggest problem. In this class we took quizzes daily and this lady was a middle-aged black woman that could give Madea a run for her money in a a loud and obnoxious match. The quizzes were administered by powerpoint and you sent in your answers remotely. I shit you not, this lady would stand up and shout “What’s the answer?” LOL. “Who’s got the answer?!” Not a drop of shame in her game. It was actually pretty comical at first but later became pretty annoying as she would start tapping people all around her confusing everyone by giving her opinions on all the possible answers out loud. Now I know I could’ve moved and saved myself from this hell, but I never payed attention and this lady was pretty clutch at getting answers. The teacher did not give a single fuck. My guess was he was closing in on retirement. Surprisingly enough, my ex was not an issue. It just pissed me off having to look at her every Tuesday and Thursday morning as my breakfast was still digesting. She wasn’t even really an Ex, more like a slam who tried to get me to commit to her, but then decided the best sex of her life wasn’t enough and she wanted a boyfriend. It more aggravated me than pissed me off. It was like she cancelled my subscription to her vag suddenly, and I was banned for life. She was a screamer and I liked that kind of shit.
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