Many incoming students across the nation began reporting to college last weekend for orientation. As those people move into the dorms and get settled it only takes one night before they realize that ‘mom’s not there‘ anymore, and that roommate who seemed great on Facebook might actually be a total piece of shit. Below are stories of the worst college freshmen roommates in history, so if you think you’ve got it bad or your old roommate was the worst then just read through these and realize how great you had it…at the end of this article I tell you stories of how I was the god awful freshmen roommate myself becuase that’s exactly what I was and I’m not proud of it (via AskReddit):
I lived in a triple; let’s call one of my roommates Tom. Tom was a disgusting inconsiderate sex addict, and I’d venture once of the worst roommates anyone has ever had. Here are just a few examples:
Tom masturbated several times a day, just under his sheets, not subtly. Being a triple and the largest room on the floor, we had people in and out of our room regularly. This didn’t matter to him. After a while, we got him to agree to a rule that if we caught him wanking he would stop, but once he was past a certain point that just wasn’t going to happen.
Tom had a girlfriend on the floor and would sexile us whenever possible (for example, when we were showering). She was a spitter, which I know because the spit cup by his bed was never cleaned out.
Tom was a believer in the “shit test”. Apparently going to the toilet only to find out you didn’t have to go is a big waste of time, so you just stand up and try to go a little bit first, then run to the toilet if needed. Once, while attempting this, he shit himself (“a little”, he claimed), right before going out to a party. He asked me if he should shower, but then decided he had no time. Obviously Tom did not wear underwear, and when he returned back from the party he just took off his pants and hopped naked into bed. I don’t think those sheets were ever washed.
Tom once had to pee during a poker game in our room. Rather than leave, he used a solo cup under the table, and then a second one that he urgently requested as the first was filling up. When he finished, he put the cups on his desk. Later, someone noticed that one of the cups was on its side and empty, over the side of the desk, having apparently spilled over his clothes on the floor.
Tom got sick of not being able to have sex with his girlfriend whenever he wanted, so he had this great idea to buy a tent from Target so he could have sex while we were in the room. His girlfriend wasn’t having it, so he moved his mattress and the tent to a janitor’s closet. Apparently a cleaning lady walked in on him sleeping naked there and he was forced to move back in.
We had two men’s bathrooms on our floor, each with 3 showers. One shower belonged exclusively to Tom and his girlfriend. He kept a lawn chair in there, because “sitting is the luxurious way to shower”. You can imagine what else went on in there, and why nobody else used it.
At the end of the year, we did a survey. Over half of the people on the floor had seen his penis at least once.
I know this sounds unbelievable, but this is all 100% true.
The very first weekend of my Freshman year in college, my roommate comes back from a party at like 2 AM or whatever, and proceeds to vomit on my fucking desk, which did contain my laptop computer on it…
I was the horrible freshman roommate because of one event.
I was super tired all the time so I would often sit on the floor in the shower and just let the water wash my sorrows away. Well, I accidentally fell asleep, and I happened to fall asleep with my butt right on top of the drain. It plugged the drain and caused the entire bathroom, dorm room, and the floor below us to flood.
He had a gf that didn’t attend our university that would stay the entire weekend. They stayed in bed, lights out, ordered delivery, wouldn’t leave. At one point I woke up and there was a baby in our room (they were babysitting). A fucking baby.
I had a roommate and a suite mate. It was two rooms, each with two beds, and a shared bathroom. The dude in the suite next to ours didn’t have a roommate for whatever reason.
Our suite mate would regularly flip out if there was any noise after about 10:00, because he went to an insanely early church service every morning. When I say any noise, I mean that if I had to pee after 10:00, I would get screamed at, threatened with violence, etc, etc. It got the point that he was shoving notes under our door threatening to murder our families. I remember at one point I was watching a movie with my friends and he banged on the door screaming “What the fuck is wrong with you f*ggots and n*ggers?!??! (many of my friends were gay and/or black) Stop making so much fucking noise, I have to go to church!!!”
He got kicked out of school.
I was in a small triple freshman year. Early on my roommate was extremely studious and would accept nothing lower than pretty much an A on everything. He would beat himself up of it wasn’t good enough and we would try to get him to relax a bit.
Second half of freshman year he buys a new computer and WoW. Refuses to go to class and played WoW nonstop all night and would sleep through the whole day. It was disrupting to me and my other roommate. He eventually ended up pretty much dropping out of school. I’ve never seen such a change around.
He has actually gotten back on track though and has been doing pretty well for himself.
He wasn’t too bad on the whole, except for the habit of alarm-snooze-alarm-snooze-alarm-snooze-alarm-snooze-alarm-snooze-alarm-snooze-alarm-snooze-alarm-snooze-alarm-snooze-alarm-snooze-alarm-snooze-alarm-snooze…….
why do people do this?
My roommate had no sleep schedule. He also chewed loudly, played the bass, and watched anime without headphones. At the same time. At 3 am.
She was disgusting and a total slob and wouldn’t let me clean her side of the room. It was always super cluttered with shit everywhere. Our room had a gross smell all the time because of her, so I finally broke down and decided to let her be mad at me, and cleaned everything. I found cups, like 5 or 6, of partially drank spoiled, rotten, curdled chocolate milk…plates of partially eaten moldy food…it was horrible. She got so pissed off that I cleaned it that she ended up moving in with another girl. I wasn’t upset about it…
She’d also have loud crazy sex at any and all hours of the night, wouldn’t lock our door and I ended up getting some items stolen…it was a mess.
My roomate freshman year was a chinese exchange student straight outta shanghai.
His name was Zihil, or something, but if you’re anything past one semester into college, you know they have their own ‘english’ names. For whatever reason he chose the name Jose. Fucking Jose. He didn’t speak much english, too. He definitely understood more than he could speak, but we got along marvelously. One night, I was out showing him the American past time of drinking games. I ask him, Yo Jose, You have had alcohol before, right? ‘Cause you know, I didn’t want to get in trouble if he died of alcohol poisoning. He says yes,but looking back, it was definitely a no.
So about two hours pass and this kid is slugging beers. Of course, everyone wants to teach the chinese kid everything americans do. By this two hour mark, he must have beer bonged three beers, shot gunned two, casually drank another two. He starts feeling sick, I can see it in his eyes
He grabs his shit and we take off back to our dorm room. Half way there, he starts stumbling and falling. In the hallway of our dorm, heads over to the trashcan, and just starts puking his brains out. I get him into the room, get him some water and make sure he don’t choke on his puke.
In the morning, he starts freaking out because he can’t find his phone. He turns on the find my iphone thing, and the trash can he puked in the night before starts pinging. We had to search through this filled trashcan of puke and garbage to find his phone about halfway down.
TL;DR: Chinese man named Jose had his first beers, puked in a trashcan and threw his phone in there with it. We had to get it out
We had a suite of six guys. One of these guys, Ron, was a weird ass hippie who did all sorts of hysterical things.
Example 1: he was barefoot wherever he went (not to bad, but we got concerned when it started snowing)
Example 2: me and another suite mate came home one day and opened the door and there were something like 5 20 gallon drums filled with dirt and dying plants. There were bugs everywhere for weeks. When we asked Ron “what the fuck?” He responded by exclaiming “Look guys! Can you believe the farm was giving these away for free??”
Example 3: he liked to use the microwave to cook. He once baked weed into chocolate using the microwave (impressive). Another time he put a plastic bowl in for about 20 minutes until the fucking thing vaporized and released poison smoke. Another time he made his tea so hot that it spilled and melted the carpet.
Example 4: he invited my roommate in for a three some (guess it would have been a foursome if he had said yes) out of the blue.
Example 5: he fermented apple wine under his bed. That was actually pretty cool.
He was leaving dirty plates in his bed, covered with his sheets. When he was going to sleep, he just kicked the plates and didn’t bother to clean them.
She got kicked out for failing, and the night before she left she got super drunk, threw up everywhere and left me to clean it up.
I was fourtunate to have lived with TWO douchesticks during my freshman year.
Fuckstick #1 was Eddie. Eddie was my original roommate. After the typical freshman E-Mail exchanges (who’s getting the fridge, microwave, rug, etc.) we had the opportunity to meet on move in day. At first, Eddie was a great roommate — fun to hang out with, good to grab a bite with, etc. But then Eddie found out how hard engineering is. You see, he was a mechanical engineering major and found that it was just too difficult.
Instead of switching majors, he decided to just give up. He stopped going to class…didn’t go out on the weekend…He. Just. Stayed. There. All the time. Day and night. I kid you not, he only left to eat — at the cafe on the first floor. Lucky for me, Eddie failed all of his classes and didn’t come back, leaving me with a room all to myself!!
I started my second semester with my own room/bachelor pad. I moved the beds together to set up a nice queen bed, to host the nonexistent ladies I’d be bringing home. The room was huge without a second person!
…enter Fuckstick #2, halfway through the semester…John. John and his roommate had a “disagreement”, so they moved him to my room. John was fucking weird. I have no other words to describe him, other than a total weirdo. This coming from a self-proclaimed fantasy geek computer scientist. I have a really high tolerance for weird, and John exceeded them all.
He loved Hillary Duff. So much so, he watched her movies on repeat. All the time. Whenever he was home. Which was all the time, because he didn’t have any friends.
HE USED MY FUCKING TOOTHBRUSH! I had no idea at the time, until I walked out one day, to see him with my toothbrush dangling out of his mouth, like it’s totally normal.
He would masturbate loudly while I was trying to sleep. Awkward.
He showered every 2-3 days. Not horrible, but definitely not often enough.
He would stand over my shoulder and watch what I was doing on my computer. As in, he would read every word. When I would confront him about it, he acted like it was totally normal.
He wasn’t unsafe or unstable, he was just really friggin weird. Thankfully I only had to deal with him for like 7 weeks or so, before the year came to a close.
I was friends with a girl a year behind me, her freshman year she was randomly matched with a girl who:
1) Was convinced she was in a relationship with the lead singer of Tokyo Hotel, and had been for several years, but it was obviously some catfisher on the internet. They would skype where only he could see her, his video would be blank for ‘security reasons’ and he told her they could never meet in person because of the media. And since he was always ‘on tour’ she would skype with him at all hours of the night to make up for the time zone differences. It was actually kinda sad/scary, several people i know tried to explain to her that she was being taken advantage of, but she could/would not listen, pretty sure she did stuff on camera for him and sent him money.
2) Brought multiple bags from home stuffed full of her cats hair, and knitted tiny clothes/figurines/whatever out of it. My friend was of course very allergic to cat hair.
My freshman roommate lost her virginity the night before move-in to her much older, very creepy, unemployed (“musician”) boyfriend. In the hotel room that she was sharing with her mom and little sister, who were in the bed next to them.
This guy basically lived with us on weekends. I had to always change in the dark because a strange creepy dude was lying there, usually butt naked. They had a lot of gross sex.
She decided it would be funny to pants me during a four AM fire drill in front of the entire dorm, which was co-ed. I don’t wear underwear to sleep… she failed to see how this wasn’t hilarious.
There were a million other things, but those stick out the most.
Edit: some grammar things because I’m getting hate mail (I was tired and on public transport people, okay?!)
Now let me just paint you a picture real quick of how different my freshmen roommate and I were…
On my housing form, I checked ‘doesn’t smoke’ because at the time, and I’m not at all proud about this, I was a cigarette smoker but in the process of quitting and didn’t want a roommate who smoked because it’d be harder to quit (fwiw I didn’t quit until later but I’m now 10 year’s cigarette free). So here’s what my college paired me with: a dude on the cross country team who had never drank a beer in his life or smoked anything of any sort. He woke up at 5:30am every day to go running while I’d be coming in at 2:30 hungover smelling like death. He’d never smoked a single thing and I’m not saying it was fair to call me Cheech or Chong at that point in my life but I wouldn’t have stopped you from saying it, AND I once hit the snooze button on my alarm for about 7 hours before realizing I was just too hungover to deal with the world. I once tried to throw up out our window only to realize that there was a screen in my way and he once shaved his head on our carpeted floor and his hair was stuck in that shit for months, so I guess we were even on that. In the end, he won. I was the shitty roommate. During finals week I drank too much after finishing exams, went sleep walking, and woke up to me peeing on his textbook. He still needed that textbook for another exam. I replaced it for him, obviously, but it had all his notes and everything in it. This was all at SMU (Southern Methodist in Dallas) and I transferred to FSU after freshmen year and never saw that dude again. I’ve never feel particularly bad though about what I did because 1) I think I successfully scared him away from drinking forever and 2) he probably has some pretty great stories about how much of a shit head I was, in fact he probably thinks I got kicked out of school or something and never realized that I just transferred because Dallas sucks balls when you’re 19 and don’t have your car with you.
Anyways, for more of these stories you can click on over to the AskReddit thread HERE to see if you were mentioned by your freshemen roommate!