A Janitor At A Big Party School Did A Reddit AMA And He’s Seen Tons Of Disgusting Shit, Especially From Chicks

GOOD WILL HUNTING, Matt Damon, 1997, polishing floor

Two things I couldn’t last a day being: a janitor or homeless. Not because I’m above that kind of work or life, but because any time I see anything that is remotely gross –except for pimple puss for some odd reason — I dry heave. I could be a Pimple Popper MD any day of the week, but you show me some puke or shit on the sidewalk or force me to eat anything that is questionable and I pretty much want to die.  Also, frogs. They’re disgusting creatures and have no place in my life.

Anyway, a janitor who claims to work at a big time party school did a Reddit AMA, spitting truuff and droppin’ knowledge about life in the custodial arts. As for what school he works for, that is still a bit of a mystery, but not one that we can’t crack! He says, “My school is a rich white kid school, where 95% of the kids are going on daddy’s money and have never worked a day in their lives.” And this is his ID card. Anyone know what school this is?

If you do, drop us a line in the comments. Now on to some of the AMA highlights!

Who has more disgusting bathrooms, men or women?


When they shower they’ll pull their tampons out and throw them all willy nilly to some forgotten corner, only to be discovered hours later by some janitor who only found it by smell.

They sh*t in the showers WHO EVEN SH*TS IN THE SHOWERS ANYWAYS and don’t even bother waffle stomping it. They’re barbaric.

Pump the breaks, Kemosabe. What the hell is waffle stomping? My only guess, before I look it up on Urban Dictionary, is when you take a shit in the shower and then force it down the drain grates (which are waffle patterned) with your foot.

/checks Urban Dictionary

FUCK YESSSSSSS!!!! Nailed it.

Also, if you’re going to shit in the shower, people, stomp that waffle down the drain. It’s the humane thing to do.

What’s the nastiest and/or weirdest sh*t you’ve had to clean up?

Sit down, young Robert. Let me regale you with a story.

When I was just a young buck, nary at my job for a month, I encountered a snail trail most peculiar. I follow this trail to a study cubicle where I can only guess a woman was mutilated. The chair was covered with dark, sticky blood. Strange, I thought. I followed the trail the other way. As you might have predicted, the trail led to the restroom. Inside, I found what can only be described as the aftermath of the Elevator Scene from The Shining.

And the SMELL. I cannot even describe it. The handicap bathroom had no ventilation to speak of. In the middle of the carnage was a single pair of women’s panties. The kind you wear when you expect to get laid. I closed the door, went calmly into the men’s room, and cursed the world for my cruel fate. Then I got my cart, a mop bucket, my PPE, and got the fuck to work because that’s what I get paid for.

TL;DR – Some girl got an insane period and left a snail trail to the restroom, where I can only guess she exploded.

Has there ever been something so disgusting that you were like “F*ck it, I’m out”?

When I was located in the female dorms, there was a girl who would puke into trash bags whenever she showered. She would then leave these bags in the floor. One day I went to pick them up and they busted all down my arms and my front.

I can do shit. I can do urine. I can’t do vomit.

What is the most awkward situation you’ve seen/cleaned up after?

Last week. Someone was running on the treadmills and shit themselves. Little rabbit pellets. The pellets would hit the treadmill and propel behind them. Naturally this person was kicked out of the Rec. Most of the pellets were cleaned up, except for two. Day shift put a wet floor sign over them.

Do people draw things with shit in your stalls?

Only one time. Someone wrote EAT SHIT AND DIE on the wall.

At least they had a sense of irony.

How does one become a janitor?

You must make a perilous journey across the Yellow Sea to a remote village that has no name, talk to a one-eyed man who will give you a branch to a sacred willow tree. You then will climb a mountain three days west of that village and find the tree that branch came from. That is where you will claim your Mop of Glory. Or you could apply somewhere and say you don’t puke when you see gross shit.

If you’re starting to feel bad about all the shit (literally) that this poor bastard has to endure and are wondering if he is happy with his job, fear not, because he is.

Are you happy with your job ? Do you get a sense of satisfaction from it?

Absolutely. Low-stress minus the obvious, good benefits, good pay. The university treats their staff well. If I’m there for 35 years I can retire with full benefits and pension. I stay out of the drama, gossip, and politics. That’s where jobs start to suck.

Yes and no. At the end of the day you sit down knowing you made the place look good, but at the same time you know that you’ll just come in and do the same thing tomorrow.

I’ve been lucky enough for the students and staff in my building to realize how hard we work. So some days we’ll come in to a few pizzas and a thank you note attached. Those are the good days.

And I bet that pizza tastes pretty great, as long as a the stench of some broad’s shower shit isn’t still fresh in your nose.

[H/T Uproxx via Reddit]