TCU Football Players Arrested And Suspended For Allegedly Beating The Crap Out Of Students And Stealing Their Case Of Beer

TCU senior defensive end Mike Tuaua and redshirt freshman wide receiver Andres Petties-Wilson were arrested on Monday for allegedly attacking students and stealing their beer.

According to the affidavit, one of three students was hit in the back of the leg with a full can of beer that had been thrown at him. The assailants punched the victim in the head, causing him to fall to the ground, where he assumed the fetal position and wrapped his hands around his head to try to protect himself from a barrage of fists. The assailants then stole the case of Keystone Light beer that the victim had been carrying.

The attackers seem to have been drinking before the incident that occurred around 11:30 pm on Friday, Sept. 4, and when they fled the scene they left behind a bottle of Bombay Sapphire gin and a bottle of Heineken. Which really makes it quizzical as to why someone would go to jail over a 30-pack of Keystone Light.

TCU announced that Tuaua has been suspended by the team for “a violation of team rules.” Tuaua was a co-starter for the Horned Frogs on the defensive line. He played TCU’s opener against Minnesota, but has been held out of the last two games of the season.

For some Keystone Light. Hahahahahaahaa! You’re going to jail over $14.99. That’s some ignorant shit right there. That’s not even crab legs.

There is no truth to the rumor that the suspects were apprehended when they were they only inebriated individuals without a bitter beer face.