There’s nothing wrong with getting into a little drunken debauchery while you’re in college, but at some point you need to draw a line between what’s acceptable and what’s going to get you arrested. Snorting coke off the back of a toilet at some bar? Fun! Breaking into the mayor’s house while blacked out? Not fun! Oh, and said mayor is coincidentally trying to crack down on underage drinking because all the fuckheads in his town apparently can’t handle their liquor…or resist the allure of humping trees.
Only in Georgia.
Just after 1 a.m. Feb. 6, Justin Dakota Gordon, 19, Gordon Circle, walked into Statesboro Mayor Jan Moore’s house, thinking it was his friend’s house on South Edgewood Drive, and startled Moore and her husband, Bill Moore, by entering their bedroom while talking on a cell phone, according to Statesboro police reports.
He then rambled around their bedroom closet, telling Bill Moore he was looking for the breaker box, reports stated.
The mayor called police while Gordon left the house through the back door. Responding officers found him “hugging a tree” in the back yard.
Hugging, humping, same thing. One you just do with your crotch while the other involves your arms, and who’s to say he wasn’t actually doing both? Maybe Justin’s a very affectionate kid…or stupid. The third option is that Justin is a moron AND has total dickwad friends, considering that he reportedly had to have been dropped off at the mayor’s house since there weren’t any cars parked nearby that he could’ve driven.
Jan Moore said the fact that “a drunken, 19-year-old off-duty bouncer” entering her home without her permission or knowledge was “interesting and troubling,” to say the least.
It appeared Gordon had been dropped off at the Moores’ home, as there was no car anywhere in the vicinity that he could have driven.
“The irony of this situation has not been lost on me,” she said Wednesday. “My husband and I are very grateful this incident did not end in tragedy, as it certainly could have.”
In the end, Justin was reportedly charged with underage possession of alcohol by consumption, loitering and prowling, public intoxication, criminal trespass and possession of a fictitious ID. In other words, he’s exactly like 99% of all college kids out there, just unlucky enough to actually get caught being an idiot.