Artie Lange tested positive for several drugs including cocaine this week, but the real story is WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO ARTIE LANGE’S NOSE!?!?!
Ok. Did a set. Didn’t get into trouble. Back home to unwind and write a bit. I feel happy right now. Another crazy day ends. Bye for now guys. For now. Peace. pic.twitter.com/XgBvqHjFvm
— Artie Lange (@artiequitter) December 15, 2018
Comedian Artie Lange seems to be an absolutely genuinely nice guy, but he has been plagued by drug abuse his entire life. Because of decades of drug abuse, he is left with a reverse Pinocchio nose and is the poster boy for why you should not snort cocaine and heroin. Thankfully, everyone’s favorite Baby Gorilla was able to poke fun at his nose or lack thereof.
My nose is a disaster. But I can still breathe. I will be ok pic.twitter.com/RMkzIK7r7Q
— Artie Lange (@artiequitter) December 15, 2018
As any ex girlfriend will tell u. I can be one NOSE-Y motha Fucka! pic.twitter.com/W4mSbd7C1R
— Artie Lange (@artiequitter) December 15, 2018
Artie, more than ever, has a face made for radio. It’s almost as though doctors reconstructed his nose for the sole purpose as to make it as difficult as possible for him to snort coke.
You may ask, “What is he doing — snorting glass?” Unfortunately, that’s exactly what Artie did. Last December, Lange’s nose became comically swollen. Apparently, his nose became enlarged after one tragic incident where he snorted smashed OxyContin tablets that also had shards of glass. After that glass-sniffing mistake and years of snorting cocaine and heroin Artie’s septum was destroyed.
What the hell is going on with Artie Lange‘s nose? pic.twitter.com/gAC7VPJzAY
— Vamos Mets (@VamosMets) December 14, 2017
In a video from The Joe Rogan Experience, Joe and fellow comedian Ari Shaffir discussed Artie’s messed up schnoz.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NBAWoE3QW7E
Recently, Artie had surgery on his nose. Last week he said his “nose is fucked” and joked, “My nose is grotesque. I don’t look like David Beckham. I look like the ball he kicks around!”
Great thing about the Cellar. It’s 2am on Thur & just got off stage. Place was sold out. NEw material working. Made gorgeous girl in front take my pic. But I’ve gotta face it – My nose is grotesque. I don’t look like David Beckham. I look like the ball he kicks around! pic.twitter.com/Sm7hRnguD3
— Artie Lange (@artiequitter) December 13, 2018
Woke up clean! My nose is fucked. Gotta accept it. But I’m alive & blessed w a gig 2nite & many more. My 3rd season on @CrashingHBO starts Jan 20! My 3rd book “Wanna Bet?” Is still out. I’m taping my 4th Special at a unique venue & I have the best fans! Life’s Good! 143 pic.twitter.com/pQUCHmXnXn
— Artie Lange (@artiequitter) December 8, 2018
https://thumbs-prod.si-cdn.com/MDU2xZ_XflVMF5zeHM1yP3SOsqo=/800×600/filters:no_upscale()/https://public-media.si-cdn.com/filer/Blobfish-ugly-470.jpg
All joking aside, this really illustrates how addiction can be pure torture for some people. Despite numerous health scares, Artie couldn’t help himself from abusing drugs even if it meant that his nose would be caved in. Lange even collapsed on stage last year and required emergency surgery.
On Friday, The former Howard Stern Show star appeared at court in Superior Court in Newark, New Jersey. The stand-up comedian tested positive for multiple drugs including cocaine, amphetamine, benzodiazepines, and Suboxone. Lange’s lawyer Frank Arelo told Judge Nancy Sivilli that his client had prescriptions for the benzos and amphetamine. Suboxone is used to treat opioid addiction.
Lange is serving four years of probation after pleading guilty to heroin possession. Assistant Prosecutor Tony Gutierrez said Lange would have had to use cocaine within the last two days in order to test positive according to NJ.com. Lange said “heroin is out of my life” and he “wouldn’t be arrogant enough to come in here after using cocaine for two days.” Artie, who is 51-years-old going on 76, avoided jail time for now.
Lange pleaded his case on Twitter and admitted that he used cocaine within 10 days after getting out of rehab. Artie warned others: “Suboxen don’t try it.” The stand-up comedian who appears on the HBO show Crashing also said, “I’d be giving them no choice. When I use illegal drugs I have to score them. That’s breaking the law.”
Guys I will tweet about this once. Today in court they drug tested me. For the last decade or more they’d have found both Heroin and Cocaine. With the help of in my eyes a miracle legal medication called Suboxen I tested negative for Heroin. I haven’t used Heroin in 41 days…
— Artie Lange (@artiequitter) December 14, 2018
That’s a prison that for now I’m out of. It’s also the reason I’m not in jail. The judge and Prosecutor were unbelievably compassionate. I’m not high. So I see it clearly now. They wanna save my life. 10 days ago when I left rehab I had to touch the flame. I used Cocaine…
— Artie Lange (@artiequitter) December 14, 2018
It should’ve left my system. But a higher power wouldn’t let. E get away with that. I’m a bad addict. I had to see if I could get high. It was awful. If ur on Suboxen don’t try it. So they are making me apply for a very strict rehab type program called Drug Court…
— Artie Lange (@artiequitter) December 14, 2018
I have work to do. I feel now I can also stop Cocaine. But that’s arrogance and addiction. I’m accepting help. If I fail now I will go to jail. Jail is not for addicts. But I’d be giving them no choice. When I use illegal drugs I have to score them. That’s breaking the law-
— Artie Lange (@artiequitter) December 14, 2018
Let’s hope Artie can confront and defeat his demons once and for all because he does have a heart of gold and performs at a ton of charity events around the country as well as brings joy to so many other people.
RELATED: Artie Lange Opens Up About His Struggles With Heroin After Getting Arrested For Drug Possession
[NJ.com]