iStockphoto / KrisCole
Spooky Season is nearly coming to a close with Halloween this week and the world will suddenly shift from all things creepy and crawly to looking ahead toward Thanksgiving and Christmas. Before we make that shift let’s pause for a moment and take a look at this list of the best cities for vampires.
This ‘study’ was put together by a site called Lawn Love who released a semi-extensive study back in early September showing the worst and best cities for surviving a zombie apocalypse. They are back again and using similar criteria to rank the ‘best cities for vampires’ and they do it in a way that almost seems legitimate save for the part we’re talking about something completely fictitious and outlandish.
Best Cities For Vampires!
Before we get to the 10 best cities for vampires let’s take a look at the 10 worst according to Lawn Love, shall we? Arizona absolutely DOMINATES the list of the 10 worst cities to be a vampire.
500. Buckeye, Arizona
499. Peoria, Arizona
498. Avondale, Arizona
497. Goodyear, Arizona
496. Flagstaff, Arizona
495. Surprise, Arizona
494. Yuma, Arizona
493. Odessa, Texas
492. Rancho Cordova, California
491. Sparks, Nevada
All of these cities rank extremely low (high?) for Deterrents, Lair Safety, and Food & Drink. Presumably ‘sunshine’ has a lot to do with the deterrents.
And now for the best!
- New York, NY – Ranks #1 for Community, #1 for Food & Drink, and #1 for Entertainment
- Chicago, IL – Ranks #1 for Lair Safety and #3 for Food & Drink
- Columbus, OH – Ranks #4 for Food & Drink
- Philadelphia, PA – #8 in Lair Safety and #10 in Food & Drink
- Los Angeles, CA – #2 in Community, #3 Entertainment, and #6 in Food & Drink
- Houston, TX – #5 in Food & Drink and #5 in Community
- Portland, OR – #7 in Entertainment and #9 in Food & Drink
- Madison, WI – #12 in Food & Drink and #30 in Lair Safety
- Seattle, WA – #5 in Community and #6 in Entertainment
- Omaha, NE – #2 in Food & Drink and #39 in Community
A deeper dive into the data shows why NYC is ranked as the best city in America for vampires. New York ranks #2 for ‘blood centers’, 1st for slaughterhouses, 3rd for casket suppliers, 1st for actual ‘vampire groups’, and 1st for actual ‘vampire friendly clubs’.
So when they refer to ‘food & drink’ they’re talking about blood donation centers and slaughterhouses, not population density. And hilariously, Entertainment and Community refers to actual vampire groups and vampire friendly clubs that exist across our country.
Somehow, New Orleans ranks #69 on the list (nice). Everyone who knows anything about vampires knows that NOLA is a top 5 city for blood suckers. So we should take this all with a grain of salt.