19-Year-Old Monkey ‘With A Human Face’ Has Very Relatable Problems With The Ladies

What is going on in China? Last week we had a super creepy fish with a “human face” being discovered in a pond in China that was freaking people out, and now we get news that they have a monkey with a “human face” over there as well?

Is there some kind of weird human cross-breeding going on over there? Is that why my Jordans are so expensive?

The monkey in question, who oddly has not been given a name in his 19-years on this planet, resides in the Tianjin Zoo in eastern China where tens of thousands of people have come to see him after he went viral on the internet last year for his uncanny resemblance to a distressed man, according to MailOnline.com.

Something else this monkey, a Margarita Island Capuchin, is lacking, besides a name, is a wife. Bro has had a lot of trouble finding a mate during his 19 years. Both of his two previous female companions died and the ladies apparently don’t appreciate his “active and aggressive” playing with mud and smashing coconuts skills.

‘He currently has three playmates,’ the zoo said. ‘We bought three other Margarita Island Capuchins in 2016, but none of them is sexually mature yet.’

The zoo added: ‘When the younger Capuchin monkeys grow up, we hope there will be chemistry between our human-faced monkey and one of them and he can finally find have a “wife”.’

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I see him working… three “playmates.”

Margarita Island Capuchins usually live for 25 to 30 years, reports MirrorOnline.com, so bro still has time to settle down if he wants to, but really, why would he? He’s internet famous, got three playmates, is free to smash coconuts whenever he wants… why be tied down?

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I know that face very well, my man, I know it well.