Screengrab via Nick Dimengo
Chafed nipples. Chafed balls. Chafed… everything!
It’s no secret that I love running — but there are some serious side effects to doing it so frequently, as my We Run This co-host Chris Illuminati recently wrote about. While there are lots of weird things that go on with our bodies while pounding the pavement, one of the more real issues I’ll be talking about is one we’ve definitely all experienced before: chafing; and lots of it.
I’ve already talked about a certain, peeing-in-my-pants experience while running in the rain once before, so I figured I couldn’t embarrass myself much worse than that, right? Since chafed nipples is just one thing that runners regularly have to deal with, it’s not the only thing that gets chafed — so take a look below at my rankings of the best and worst things I consistently chafe while running.
5. Chafed Toes
Ask my girlfriend about my chafed toes from running and you’ll probably get a reaction similar to gagging; because they’re all sorts of nasty. Considering I’ve run long distances for the past 17 years, my toes and heels have experienced a ton of mileage, meaning they’re absolutely beat to shit. That means I’m often taking off a sock that’s completely soaked with blood by the time I’m back from a run — and left with a constant rash on a couple of my toes that never seems to go away.
Pain Level: 6.9/10
4. Chafed Nipples
Chafed nipples are, arguably, the most common body part getting rubbed and irritated while running — so every single dude knows the pain of this. It’s one thing to be embarrassed AF while running in a shirt that’s soaked with blood around your nipples for everyone to see, but it actually sucks (and burns) even more once that shit dries and you jump into the shower afterwards. Seriously, it’s like dropping alcohol on an open wound, with the hot water sending a nasty sensation anytime it hits my nips.
Pain Level: 7.8/10
3. Chafed Armpits
An underrated kind of pain, chafed armpits burn like hell, and they’re in a tricky spot that gets rubbed against by every single thing you wear — whether you’re running or not. You know that feeling of razor burn when you shave your neck? Multiply that by about 10 when your armpits turn red, continue to be irritated, and then want to bleed because you decided to wear the form-fitting running shirt that looked better than the baggy one. It’s an experience no dude should have to go through.
Pain Level: 8.3/10
2. Chafed Inner Thighs
Runners know about chafed inner thighs really well, but it’s a feeling everyone has gotten from tons of activities — and it sucks ass no matter how it happens. The rash seems to be just close enough to your dong that it sends a burning sensation up your entire upper thigh, leading to itching and scarring down there. It’s as if somebody decided to take two scolding hot coffee mugs and placed them on your leg, leaving you with a pain rivaled by only a few other things. I’m actually squirming just thinking about this right now.
Pain Level: 9.1/10
1. Chafed Balls
There’s nothing I can write that even describes the feeling of a chafed ballsack — because it’s one of the most rotten experiences any man can have. It’s red. It burns. It itches. It scabs. It shrivels up your boys and makes you have all sorts of discomfort. It’s like using sandpaper as bar soap; and there’s no reprieve for the torturous sensation that’s going on as you waddle like a penguin all week while you deal with an unrelenting rash.
Pain Level: 9.8/10
We’ve all had our share of bad chafing stories — and I’d be interested in hearing about some of yours, so hit me up on Instagram about your previous misery. They’re never fun, and they always seem to happen when running.
Don’t forget to check out some of the unwritten rules of running from our most recent We Run This podcast. And, because you know you want to, listen on iTunes, Spotify, Anchor, Pocket Casts, Radio Public, and subscribe to our YouTube channel.