Stop What You’re Doing Because I’ve Just Found Your Dream Job: Chicken Nugget Connoisseur

chicken nuggets

Shutterstock / Joshua Resnick


There are so many awesome jobs in the world that my H.S. guidance counselor never told me about. Actually, my guidance counselor didn’t tell me about a single damn job nor did she try and push me in any direction. In hindsight, that counselor was there to get us all into college and nothing else. But, if I was ever asked to write up a list of 20 dream jobs back in the day I’m pretty sure ‘Chicken Nugget Connoisseur’ would’ve been on that list, and I’m also fairly certain that response would’ve landed me in the principal’s office.

Well, the future is now, and in this future, my dream job exists. A U.K. based discount food retailer is looking to hire a Chicken Nugget Connoisseur this year to eat nuggets and go to office parties. Here’s the job description (h/t Men’s Journal):

Chicken Nugget Connoisseur
Location:Merseyside
Date Posted:12 Jan 2018
Vacancy Type:Temporary
Chicken Nugget Connoisseur

Looking for a new challenge to tuck into in 2018?
You’ll want to take a bite out of this, as we’re looking for a tasty new individual, who’ll be worth their weight in… food.
B&M is currently one of the fastest growing discount retailers and we’re always looking to expand our range of products. Next month we’ll be launching a brand new fresh and frozen food range in a selection of our stores nationwide.
To help us ensure that the range is the best in the country we’re offering one lucky person the chance to taste test some of our range.
Do you think you have relevant experience? – experience can include, but is not limited to:

* Getting the 20 share box of nuggets from McDonalds and keeping them all for yourself
* Being the first in the office kitchen whenever someone says there’s cake
* That time you tripped and fell at a buffet and saved the plate before yourself
* Going to an event or party because there is free food
* You value the importance of a fish finger sandwich in life
* You can conduct a power point presentation on the reasoning behind curly fries being nicer than chips
* The successful individual will receive £25 vouchers monthly to spend on fresh and frozen food in their local B&M store and can share their feedback with the B&M buying to help evolve the range.

Just like a good steak, this opportunity is rare and shouldn’t be diced with. If you think this is your calling please upload a paragraph on why you think you deserve the opportunity and what relevant experiences you have (where it says upload CV). (via)

You won’t get paid in British Pounds but you’ll be rewarded handsomely with more Chicken Nuggets than your body can handle. And at the end of the day, what’s the point in getting paid with cash when you’re just going to take that cash and go spend it on chicken nuggets? This way you cut out the middleman and get yourself a direct pipeline to the chicken nuggets. Dream job? You’re damn right it is.