Charley Gallay/Getty Images for PORTER Incredible Women Gala 2018
What would you do for divine, pore-free skin? How far would you be willing to debase yourself for the impractical sake of vanity?
If you answered: ‘lather your face with newborn baby foreskin like Hannibal Lecter,’ you are not alone. You may belong in a straight jacket, but you are not alone.
But before you keep reading, throw all that empowerment and “love you for all your flaws” shit out the window. That all sounds dandy in theory, but in practice, it works about as well as one-ply toilet paper your third Thanksgiving helping.
There is a vomit-inducing aesthetic trend that has been endorsed by Hollywood elite such as Cate Blanchett, Sandra Bullock, and now Kate Beckinsale.
The process, known as a “penis facial” is a $650 experience that involves a peel and microneedling, followed by a proprietary penis-infused serum derived from “Korean baby foreskins.”
Beckinsale posted-then-deleted an Instagram post praising the experience, calling it “amazing.” She also said, “After a long flight I do like to lie down and be covered in a mask of liquefied cloned foreskins — frankly who doesn’t?”
Ladies and gentlemen, this is the first time I can call someone a ‘dickhead’ and have it be received as a compliment…
Sandra Bullock is also a big proponent of baby dicks on her face. She told Ellen back in May:
“When you see how good it is to your face, you too will run to your local facialist and say, ‘Give me the penis,’ ” Bullock gushed.
She even convinced Cate Blanchett it was a good idea. Look at these faces!!!!!!
https://www.instagram.com/p/Bj83lHygVzA/
Imagine being so rich you get to a point where you convince yourself that blowing $650 periodically on a foreskin face seems like a sound investment.
Ok, carry on with your baby foreskin-free lives. Losers.
[h/t New York Post]