M&M Claims It’s Getting Rid Of Its ‘Spokescandies’ (But No One Believes Them)

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It’s been more than 80 years since the world was introduced to M&M’s, the candy-coated chocolate treats that were primarily produced for soldiers fighting in World War II en route to becoming one of the most popular candies on the planet.

It’s safe to say the brand has come a long way since the 1940s thanks in no small part to the virtually unavoidable marketing campaigns that largely revolve around the anthropomorphic “spokescandies” largely defined by the masochistic tendencies that have driven them to beg people to eat them since debuting in 1954.

M&M’s were originally represented by the Red and Yellow mascots tasked with shilling the Original and Peanut varieties, but Mars has added a number of new members to that lineup as its offerings have expanded over the decades.

That includes Green and Purple, the two “female” M&M’s who have inspired some, um, interesting fan art and stories that lurk in corners of the internet that most people would be better off avoiding. However, there are apparently plenty of people who have a serious emotional investment in “sexy” candy mascots based on the fallout of the brand’s decision to give them a more “progressive” facelift last year.

The fact that M&M’s have become unwitting soldiers in a fierce culture war against “wokeness” is an objectively laughable development, and on Monday, things took another absurd turn when the brand claimed that will no longer be the case after announcing its plans to retire the spokescandies after 69 years and replace them with Maya Rudolph.

While there is a chance the brand will stick to its guns, a number of keen observers noted this absolutely reeks of a marketing stunt that will likely result in the mascots making their grand return in a commercial that will probably air at some point during the upcoming Super Bowl (à la Planter’s “Baby Nut” ad campaign). 

I guess we’ll just have to wait and see if Robert Frost was right when he said nothing gold (or—in this case—brown, orange, purple, red, yellow, green, and blue) can stay.