‘It Made Me Have A Powerful Realization’: Male Bartender Overhears Female Customer Say She Hates All Men. Then He Sees How Much She Tipped Him

A male bartender overheard a conversation between two women. Then he received a tip that ended up helping him realize something about men and women.

Bartender Andrew Bailey (@streetlighteyesdontdie) came to a stark epiphany while serving two women at his bar: men who hate women do so because they’re denied, whereas women who hate men do so because of what they’ve experienced. He realized this after hearing the women discuss their adamant hatred of men. Despite this, they still left Bailey a substantial tip and were arguably kind to him while they were there.

The TikToker, whose post now has over 736,000 views, asked whether or not women who claim to hate men actually do so in his video’s description. Then, a flood of commenters expressed exactly why they might claim to “hate men” at face value but don’t actually have vehement disgust for them.

What Did The Women Say?

Bailey got a two-top table at his local restaurant that ended up spilling some tea. He overheard the table of two women discussing a variety of different grievances they had. One woman in particular was “talking s— about a lot of the stuff the men in her life had done.”

Bailey got the impression that the women weren’t exactly fans of men.

So, he kept his distance and avoided overcrowding them. After they left the table, he noticed they left him a $30 tip on a $60 tab with a note that said he offered great service. Bailey realized that women who had grievances with men as a whole still treated him with respect, as long as he respected their boundaries and space. That’s when he came to a broader realization.

“This is very consistent with the behavior that I’ve seen from misandrist women,” Bailey said. “They talk about how they don’t like men. And then they do incredible things for men all around them. The realization that I had was that women who hate men hate what men have done to them. And men who hate women hate what women won’t do for them.”

Misandry Vs. Misogyny: What’s The Difference?

Bailey’s claim is that misandry is a direct result of experience. Women who experience abuse, harm, or system mistreatment may outwardly hate men, but still sometimes have empathy for them. In contrast, Bailey claimed that men who hate women frequently hate them because they’re denied something.

There’s supporting evidence for what Bailey posits. The incel community, for instance, has grown from an all-gender community to a movement based around manosphere value systems.

A particular argument that self-described incels make is that they’re denied the ability to form human connections because women don’t want them. That leads many incels to unironically hate women. Incels frequently fabricate and hyperbolize simple moments—a tense rejection, an awkward encounter, or a string of bad dates—into a pattern that they adopt as a philosophy, arguing that they’ll “never” find someone and were denied by society simply because of their looks or something inescapable.

Recent trends, like “looksmaxxing,” offered these men a toxic pathway to “escape” the feeling of being broken. But, it normalized extremely strange patterns of behavior: “bonesmashing,” active drug use, and yes, continued hatred of women for an apparent denial of human connection became staples of the looksmaxxing movement. Then, those patterns moved mainstream.

Not all men follow these value systems, but feminists have made similar arguments for a long time. Patriarchal expectations that men get the girl and women “be received” can turn into a very unrealistic, warped sense of reality that harms both genders, leading to misandry and misogyny. Women can slowly feel jaded when they experience continued harm—a man touching them when they’re uncomfortable or an experience getting sexualized when they didn’t ask for it. Men feel jaded without the tools to form earnest connections and real, authentic relationships.

What’s The Solution?

Bailey, who posts regularly about misogyny, misandry, and the interactions between men and women, made a later TikTok that argued that men’s isolation can lead them down narrow pathways.

For instance, Bailey posited that many men believe they’re only allowed to love their wives and no one else. Community, then, is something that many men severely lack and need in their lives. Without it, men may have a tendency to double down on control over their spouse. Bailey cited a recently published survey to prove his point.

According to market research, 31% of Gen Z men believe a wife should “obey” their husband. An article by USA Today made similar points to the TikToker, arguing that manosphere figures such as Andrew Tate have normalized the belief that women are responsible for men’s rejection and solitude.

It’s worth noting that the study Bailey cited has international participants. Men from a variety of countries participated, which each have their own norms. Still, around 40% of men in the United States said that gender equality initiatives discriminated against men. That helped illustrate Bailey’s point throughout his videos. Men are struggling because of patriarchy, and many of them are getting equipped with the wrong tools to fix it.

BroBible reached out to Bailey via TikTok direct message for comment.