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“There is no substantive-due-process right to stimulate one’s genitals,” once said the man who was recently bagged liking a hardcore porn video on Twitter last night. This is the same man who helped write a 76-page legal brief defending Texas’ ban on the sale of sex toys and equated them to buying a prostitute. But, last night when the rest of the world was, well, watching porn, Ted Cruz finally achieved common ground with the American people.
https://twitter.com/tommylitch/status/907459245058097152
Cruz, who argued that the government should be granted “police powers” for the purposes of “discouraging prurient interests in sexual gratification,” was called out by his college roommate at Princeton for his hypocrisy.
https://twitter.com/clmazin/status/720259227067920385
Anyway, Cruz has been trending on Twitter for liking the porno, and at the time of me writing this, has yet to break his silence on the matter. We should give him some time to clean up. In the meantime, lets all come together as a nation and enjoy the plethora of tweets about Cruz beating his hog like a battery-drained remote control.
https://twitter.com/drmattdambrosio/status/907468332500008961
https://twitter.com/Imagidamnation/status/907503041724661760
https://twitter.com/clmazin/status/907471690812211200
https://twitter.com/fart/status/907472117502844928
https://twitter.com/bille_IV/status/907595916202442752
Don't forget to vote in the New York primary today! And that Ted Cruz was spankin' it on 9/11.
— Samantha Bee (@realsambee) September 12, 2017
https://twitter.com/casspa/status/907583891409702912
I like this new Ted Cruz. pic.twitter.com/L9cquH2UKQ
— Chip Hinkleman (@ChipHinkleman) September 12, 2017
https://twitter.com/NaturallyKatz/status/907566130180628480
https://twitter.com/sarpic73/status/907534825132838912
https://twitter.com/idvrlene/status/907480449265446912
https://twitter.com/zachbraff/status/907476743736377344
Working on the internet all day can be a soul-sucking undertaking. Shit like this makes me glad that I completely neglected to leverage my Economics degree and blgoged about politicians bludgeoning their beefsticks. I hope you’re proud of me, dad.