Here’s Why I Would ABSOLUTELY Volunteer For A Vaccine Trial


Calling all guinea pigs! Are you signing up for that first round of vaccine trials? You better believe I’ll be there. I’ll be first in line like it’s a sneaker collab at Supreme (HYPE BEEEEEEAST). Seems like a lot of people have doubts though:

NY Times

In a poll of likely voters conducted by The New York Times and Siena College, 33 percent said they would definitely or probably not take a vaccine after F.D.A. approval.

In a STAT-Harris poll of about 2,000 people, conducted Oct. 7-10 and published Monday, 58 percent of respondents said they would get vaccinated right away, down from 69 percent who said the same in August.

Ah, foo on you. Look at these worryworts, these naysayers. What’s the worst that can happen? The way I see it, you’ve got three possible outcomes for taking a vaccine in its early days:

  1. It works and you’re safe. Ho hum, don’t mind me, just immune to the virus that is killing all your grandparents.
  2. Your sperm count drops a few thousand, you sue the government for 1 BILLION DOLLARS, and you live out the rest of your days playing shuffleboard in Aruba. Sure, you don’t have any kids to pass your wealth on to, but that just leaves more for you to spend. Or give away, you budding philanthropist you!
  3. You die in the name of science. Burgeoning cities erect statues in their parks of your likeness in a medical chair, with your sleeve rolled up and a syringe in your shoulder (the statue will be ripped down in 15 years when your old tweets are dug up).

Not bad options. If I’m honest, I’ll probably have my fingers crossed for outcome #2. I’ve never been to Aruba but I hear the coconut water is the real deal down there.