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Every spooky season, the same argument breaks out among horror fans: Who is the scariest movie monster of all time? And, frankly, that intellectual exercise isn’t very interesting, as fear is subjective. Hal Jordan and Matt Murdock have none, for example
So we’re doing something different. This list doesn’t ask who has the best kill count or the most sequels, but something far simpler and more objective. If you woke up tomorrow and one of these iconic 1980s horror movie monsters was standing in your hallway, which one would you least want to see?
We ranked the top 11 horror icons through that prism, from “You’d maybe have fun defeating them” to “Start planning your funeral.”
Here are the Top 11 iconic 1980s horror movie monsters that you would least want to encounter, in terms of your chances of survival
11. Gremlins – Gremlins
While they’re small and easily distracted by Snow White, they can still be dangerous in a mob and a downright nuisance one-on-one. It’d be like Jack Black punting Ron Burgundy’s dog off the bridge in Anchorman, except the dog decides to fight back.
10. Michael Myers – Halloween II
Michael Myers is undoubtedly physically terrifying, but from a strategic standpoint, a brisk jog should be able to keep enough distance between you and him.
9. Jack Torrance – The Shining
He’s basically Michael Myers but walks at an average speed instead of a slow speed, and has an axe instead of a kitchen knife. Thus: scarier.
8. Chucky – Child’s Play
The issue with Chucky — other than being chased around by the soul of a serial killer disguised as a child’s plaything — is that even if you did survive the ordeal, you might find yourself in a psychiatric ward for telling your story, just like Andy in the original film.
7. Ghosts coming out of the TV – Poltergeist
They’re not one monster; they’re a whole house problem, and you can’t fight them, bargain with them, or outrun them. Your best move is leaving, which the Freeling should have done after the developers moved the headstones but not the bodies.
6. Jason – Friday the 13th
Technically, the killer in the original film is his mother, and Jason doesn’t get the hockey mask until Part III. But nobody remembers that. What they do remember is the vicious way in which he murders his victims, his NFL safety-esque size and his famously straightforward choice of weaponry. Plus, after initially being bound to Camp Silverlake, he’s since found a way to travel to the likes of New York City and outer space, meaning wherever you go, he can find you.
5. Pinhead – Hellraiser
Technically, you have to solve the puzzle box to meet him, which keeps him out of the top four. But once Doug Bradley’s Lead Cenobite shows up and says, “We have such sights to show you,” there’s no negotiating. The hooks and chains come out, the suffering is eternal, and he’s more patient than Jason and more polite than Freddy. That’s somehow worse.
4. The Thing – The Thing
There’s an existential nature to the horror of The Thing, as it can be anyone at any time and has the destructive potential to take over the entire world.
3. Xenomorph – Aliens
One Xenomorph is a big enough problem on its own. A hive with a queen is a death sentence, as the squad of Colonial Marines learns in Aliens, which flipped the franchise motif from being a claustrophobic horror film to a pulse-pounding sci-fi action thriller. If your name isn’t Ripley, good luck surviving more than 30 minutes. And even if you did manage to wound way, make sure to stay far away for your kill shot, as a single drop of its blood in the wrong place can burn right through you. A Xenomorph can defeat you even in death.
2. The Yautja – Predator
Cloaking tech, thermal vision, a shoulder cannon, and a hobby of mounting your skull. It wiped out Dutch’s commandos with barely a fight, and Dutch only survived by covering himself in mud. At least the Predator has a code. It won’t kill someone who’s unarmed, which is more than you can say for number one.
1. Freddy – A Nightmare on Elm Street
There is something primal instilled by the fear of Freddy Krueger; something violating. Sleep, and our dreams, are meant to be an escape. Just watch Denis Villeneuve’s harrowing 2013 thriller Prisoners, in which Maria Bello harrowingly cries that she “just wants to go to sleep” after the disappearance of her daughter. Whether it’s to escape pain, crash after a long day of work, or sleep off a night of hard drinking — sleep is a genetically encoded escape button. A Nightmare on Elm Street takes that away.