This morning, in a mid-town Manhattan bar, I was supposed to have ten good minutes with Aubrey Plaza. Not sexually. I could never last ten minutes unless you take my normal two minutes and span it across a week.
Aubrey’s in town to promote her partnership with Newcastle Brown Ale. They’re looking for “brands” to band together to buy a Super Bowl ad. It’s a funny idea. Not original, but funny. I was going to talk to Aubrey about it, maybe get into a little of the new season of Parks and Recreation and waste as little of her time as possible.
After a week of coordinating the interview, in the eleventh hour, Aubrey bailed. She personally didn’t bail. Her publicist pulled the plug on the interview. But not all interviews. Just my interview. Here’s the entire email from the middle woman coordinating the sit down between myself and Aubrey’s “people.”
Unfortunately I have to cancel tomorrow’s interview with Aubrey. I’m terribly sorry. Her publicist has forced my client to cut half of the media booked.
If there was anything I could do, I would. I’m really sorry and I hope we can work together again on another project.
Aubrey’s publicist cut her appearances in half. This fine website didn’t make the cut. Aubrey is only talking to a few websites but not the website with over 9 million readers a month, 8.9 million of them beer drinkers with penises, or what I like to call THE TARGET FUCKING DEMOGRAPHIC FOR A BEER COMMERCIAL.
Now I get it, BroBible isn’t a top priority or the “big get” for publicists. Publicists like to focus their energy on getting their client’s names and faces in the places that matter like three minutes call-in segments to a morning radio drive show in the middle of nowhere America or on an afternoon talk show with a core audience of women who couldn’t pick Aubrey Plaza out in a line-up of Aubrey Plaza clones. Those media outlets move the needle. In fact, just yesterday a friend was telling me this crazy thing he heard on a morning radio show and I punched him in the throat for listening to regular radio.
So, because all this isn’t really Aubrey’s fault, and the blame lies solely on the shoulders of guy who thinks he’s the next real life Ari Gold after failing miserably at an acting career (if the publicist is a woman, change that to Barbara Miller) I’m still going to post the Newcastle Brown Ale Commercial. It’s down below.
And the offer to Aubrey is still open — ten minutes to talk. Get in touch. If she doesn’t have ten minutes I can do two minutes for the next five days. I’m really good at that.