It seems like every show you’ve ever watched, enjoyed or even been vaguely aware of is being rebooted. Everyone from Coach to DJ Tanner to Fox Mulder is getting new life thanks to a combination of new platforms and networks needing content and the constant nostalgia that keeps the Internet young, sort of like how vampires feed on the blood of virgins, only more unseemly.
But there are some shows that we all need to see rebooted. Some of these shows never got the ending they deserved, some could be updated in ways that both make sense and make the show seem fresh and new, while others simply want to make us clap our hands like idiot children again or revel in the memories of our youthful boners. But no matter the reason, the one thing the following shows all have in common is that we need them rebooted right now.
‘Deadwood’
Deadwood was just sort of left to die back in the day, but damn it, I need gnarly old dudes snarling “cocksucker” at each other. C-SPAN just isn’t getting it done. I feel like we’d be in a better place to handle this now. Back in 2004, when the show first premiered, we were still in sort of a “placate the dumbasses and don’t think too hard” place when it came to TV. Shows were simple, nobody swore too much and everyone had nice hair. It was basically like AM radio back in the 70s. But shows like Deadwood were like punk rock, shocking and confusing everyone, lighting the way for everything to come after. I mean, come on, there were 43 different “fucks” in the first episode alone. But today, we live in a post-fuck world. In fact, we demand more fucks. Give us our fucks.
‘Party Down’
Party Down needs to come back for one simple reason: it was funny as hell. Viciously funny, even. Then again, that vicious and dark sense of humor is probably what got the show axed in the first place because people are dumb. But to hell with them, we need a show like this. Actually, we don’t need a show like this, we need this show. It was perfect and I’ll fistfight anyone who says differently. You heard me, Grandma.
‘The Wonder Years’
This one would be easy to bring back. Just set the show in the early 90s, have the main character be the son of Fred Savage, and boom, you’ve managed to capture the nostalgia of the era twice over. You get those old Wonder Years feels plus all your own 90s memories all at once. Or make it an unrelated 90s kid whose adult monologue (you know, the Daniel Stern role in the original) is voiced by Fred Savage. I don’t know, I’m not a producer, although I am willing to bone you on a casting couch.
‘Firefly’
This really doesn’t need any updating. It just needs to pick up pretty much where it left off. Just a bunch of dudes and lady dudes having adventures in space, only maybe ignore the fact that a couple of them were – spoiler alert! – given hologram tombstones in the movie follow-up, Serenity. Or don’t. Let that be your jumping off point for the reboot. Whatever the case, you know that there is already a built in and rabid fanbase who would make this reboot work. Hell, they’d watch it if it was rebooted as a shitty web-series on AOL or some other godforsaken Internet wasteland. And it should be all too easy to get nerd dudes to tune into a series with Summer Glau, Morena Baccarin and Jewel Staite. I’ll be in my bunk.
‘Step By Step’
Them daughters! Look, it’s not creepy because I was a kid then too, okay. (It’s not, right? Right??? Okay, maybe just a little bit.) My fledgling boners deserve a reboot too. But really, this would just be fun. I’ve grown up and so have those daughters and we deserve a chance to get to know one another again. Maybe even get to love one another? Sure, these might be the ravings of a pathetic fool, but maybe I’m just trying to make sure all the actors and actresses find work. You ever think of that? I guess I just care about people too much.
‘Chappelle’s Show’
Can you believe it’s been almost 10 years since Dave freaked out and took off for Africa? We’ve needed him. We’ve needed Charlie Murphy, and Donnell Rawlings and everyone else who made the show what it was. This wasn’t just some lame attempt to rip-off SNL. This was something new and organic, with stars and cast-members and characters born from within rather than being prefabricated and shoved down our throats right from the start. And the thing is, is that concept is still fresh and unique in today’s TV landscape. Nobody picked up the baton when Dave dropped it like a hot mic back in the day. So who better than Dave himself to come back along and pick it up? We need this.
‘Married…With Children’
If you don’t understand why this needs to be brought back, then I don’t even know who you are anymore. And I don’t want to know. If anything, Al Bundy’s particular stylings are needed now more than ever. Our tightly wound, hypersensitive culture needs Al and the gang to puncture it once again, just to let some of the air out so we can all relax without calling each other Nazis all day every day. Besides, it would be like being reunited with old friends, awesome old friends, and even though Kelly and Bud are all grown up, it’s not like you still couldn’t have them living at home given that one is a complete idiot and the other an eternal loser. Bring them back along with Al and Peggy, and Jefferson and Marcy too. Oh, and Griff. Can’t forget Griff. And Ike and Bob Rooney, and… hell, just bring everyone back. For me. For all of us.
‘Rome’
Rome was basically canceled because HBO decided it cost too much to make. Of course, after they already made their decision, the show became kind of a surprise hit. Oops! After only two seasons, they just left so much on the table, so much to explore, both historically and in terms of the show’s awesome, badass characters. Frankly, if they’re still worried about the cost (which seems like it shouldn’t be an issue given that Netflix is out there throwing movie money at their shows) just give me a show with Vorenus and Titus Pullo traveling around solving mysteries or some shit. I don’t know, make them time travelers, like badass Doctor Whos. I’m just brainstorming so you don’t have to, TV execs. All you need to do is nod your heads and sign some checks.
‘The Simpsons’
This old animated series used to be one of my favorite shows. I’m not sure what happened to it or where it went, but it would be great to see Homer and the gang brought out of mothballs to make us laugh once again. After it disappeared sometime in the late 90s, everyone was pretty damn sad. Surely, they had years of great episodes left for us to treasure and enjoy. I mean, come on, a genius like Matt Groening would never let his show, his baby, become stale, a half-forgotten shadow of everything it once was, almost mocking its own memory as it degraded over the years like some sad back-alley junkie. No, it would be great forever! I, for one, miss it. I miss it terribly, and I just hope that one day, we can watch it again.