There Were Kind Of A Ton Of Not Chill Bros On Last Night’s ‘Game Of Thrones’


As someone who is well-versed in finding chill in all sorts of unchill situations, I think it says a lot when even I can’t find any fucking chill. But it happens about once a season on Game of Thrones, where not even the most mellow of Bros proffer any chill.

So here they are, the load of them, the unchill folks in Westeros and across the Narrow Sea, who were wack as shit in Episode 7: The Broken Man

The Hound

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HBO


Working extra hard at your job is often pretty chill, but not when, in doing so, you let everyone at the office be mercilessly slaughtered.

Chill Bro Points: -5,000

The High Sparrow

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HBO


In the books King Tommen is 16 years old, and convincing a woman to sleep with a 16-year-old boy is both a sex crime and really, really perverted as heck.

Chill Bro Points: -2,000

Robett Glover

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HBO


Kinda a dick fuck and also kinda a racist.

Chill Bro Points: -1,000

Lyanna Mormont

lyanna-mormont

HBO


I know you’re still learning to rule and all, but did we really need to go through that whole song and dance routine for like nine soldiers?

Chill Bro Points: -750

Yara Greyjoy

yara-greyjoy

HBO


Not sure if you ever got the memo, Yara, but in 2016, boorish frat boy behavior like hazing, drinking, and “fucking the tits off” women is no longer cool.

Chill Bro Points: -625

Septa Mordane

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HBO


The fucking wet blanketest of all the wet blankets.

Chill Bro Points: -500

Brynden Tully

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HBO


I’m pretty sure there are only like ten things less chill than shrugging when a knife gets held to your nephew’s neck. Like I have a sister with kids, and I’m pretty certain she would be LIVID if I did that.

Chill Bro Points: -375

The Waif

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HBO


If you are going to stab someone to death, a chill thing to do would be to actually stab someone to death.

Chill Bro Points: -250

Arya Stark

the-waif

HBO


An unchill thing to do is to assume you’re so fucking chill that no one wants to kill you and walk around on a bridge like a happy go lucky chump when clearly there are magic assassins after your ass.

Chill Bro Points: -100

And for the Chill Bros this episode, of which, there was only one.

This Dude Sucking On Some Titties

this-dude

HBO


He gets it.

Chill Bro Points: 200

Disagree? Let’s have it out in the comments.

47. The Children of the Forest: -10,000

46. Daenerys Targaryen: -9,000

T-44.The Hound: -5,000

T-44. Randall Tarly: -5,000

43. Jamie Lannister: -2,350

42. The High Sparrow: -1,900

41. Yara Greyjoy: -1375

T-37. The Original Three Eyed Raven: -1,000

T-37. Bran Stark: -1,000

T-37. Robert Glover: -1,000

T-37. Samwell Tarly: -1,000

36. Lyanna Mormont: -750

T-30. Septa Mordant: -500

T-30. Lord Varys: -500

T-30. Euron Greyjoy -500

T-30. Melisandre -500

T-30. Loras Tyrell: -500

T-30. King Tommen Baratheon: -500

29. Brynden Tully: -375

28. Ser Davos Seaworth: -250

27. Those Two Idiot Dothraki Bros: -200

26. Jorah Mormont: -100

T-24. Tyrion Lannister: -50

T-24. The Bernie Sanders Mother Fucker From Episode One: -50

23. Daario Naharis and Jorah Mormont’s Horses: 50

22. Cersei Lannister: 100

21. Roose Bolton: 200

20. The Dude Sucking On Some Titties: 200

T-17. Wun Wer Wun Dar Wun: 250

T-17. Olenna Tyrell: 250

T-17. Brienne of Tarth: 250

16. Sansa Stark: 300

15. Ser Robert Strong: 350

T-12: The Dothraki: 400

T-12. Theon Greyjoy: 400

T-12. Robyn Arryn’s Gyrfalcon: 400

T-9. Rhaegal and Viserion: 500

T-9. Ser Arthur Dayne: 500

T-9. Jon Snow 500

8. Arya Stark: 700

7. Ser Alliser Thorne: 750

6. The Waif: 975

5. Daario Naharis: 1,000

4. Tormund Giantsbane: 1,600

3. Ellaria Sand: 2,000

2. Drogon: 20,000

1. Hodor: 27,000,000

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