In last week’s ‘Game of Thrones’ recap we saw Tyrion and Ser Jorah Mormont attacked by the ‘stone people’, and Ser Jorah has since come down with greyscale, or dragonscale, whatever you want to call it. Grey Worm survived a serious attack on his life, and we hope he’ll come out even more awesome on the other side. Sansa Stark was getting close to a marriage with Ramsay Bolton, one of the most despicable characters ever written in fiction, but we were hoping that Stannis would attack Winterfell before that could happen. Well, in this week’s Game of Thrones recap for Season 5, Episode 6 ‘Unbowed, Unbent, Unbroken’ we saw some plot lines really come together, for better or worse, and got a much clearer idea of where this season and the show is headed.
Long story short: everyone (of interest) but Arya was a loser this week. I think this might actually be a momentous occasion, one where the only ‘winners’ I’ll talk about later are Arya and the Faith Militant. Every other person we saw in this episode fell into serious trouble of some sort. I know George RR Martin loves to make sure every ‘Game of Thrones’ fans tries to break their TV at some point, but this was different. Typically the show’s creator will kill off one major (and beloved) character at an unexpected time. This time around the HBO writers created a shit storm that enveloped a ton of our favorites. So without further ado, let’s get right into the Game of Thrones recap for ‘Unbowed, Unbent, Unbroken’:
Game of Thrones Recap: Unbowed, Unbent, Unbroken
Biggest Losers: Sansa Stark, Jamie Lannister, Bronn, The Tyrells, The Sandsnakes
I really, really, really really really really really hoped that Stannis would sack Winterfell before Ramsay got Sansa in the sack. If that were the case then her marriage could’ve been nullified by King Stannis, and she could have gone on to be the Wardeness of the North without any ties to the Boltons. Instead we were treated to what I think was quite possibly the worst scene in Game of Thrones history. The scene where Ramsay takes Sansa’s maidenhood, forcing Reek to watch. This was both a way to mentally torture Reek and Sansa, as well as a way for Ramsay to prove their marriage has been consummated whenever someone questions it. I almost had to turn my TV off during that scene, it really was just too much for TV.
Sansa Stark is without question the biggest loser in this week’s Game of Thrones recap for season 5 episode 6’s ‘Unbowed, Unbent, Unbroken’. Her life has just taken about as worse of a turn as conceivably possible. The ONLY glimmer of hope on the horizon is for Stannis to take Winterfell and murder every man within the castle. I’d love to think there’s some way Reek will redeem himself in the future, possibly by killing Ramsay. I would love love to see him tell Sansa that her two younger brothers are alive in the North. Methinks none of that will happen though. As of right now I’m thinking Stannis will lose the battle trying to take Winterfell, and Sansa’s life will grow even darker. Abandon all hope with me, it’s the only way to set your mind’s right for the torture that’s surely ahead in the upcoming episodes.
Tyrion and Ser Jorah, traveling together to the Queen Daenerys, sharing stories and pissing each other off. Tyrion gets to be the bearer of bad news, telling Jorah about the death of his father via mutiny from the Night’s Watch. Then they get picked up by some a crew of slavers. Like, on a scale of 1 to 10, I’d say that Jorah’s day was at about an 8 (Sansa’s a 9), and Tyrion’s at a 7. The only thing making Tyrion’s day any less worse than Jorah is that it’s been a few weeks (month?) since he killed his father.
Now both Tyrion and Jorah are slaves, on their way to Slavery’s Bay. Tyrion will soon have his junk chopped off because people think dwarf dongs are really good luck. I have to think this is similar to how the rhinoceros is going extinct because people practicing Eastern Medicine believe the horns to be powerful, even though those people are full of shit and don’t know the first thing about actual medicine. Nevertheless, Tyrion may soon be parting with his most cherished of body parts, and as of now they are both considered slaves. The one silver lining of their current predicament is that they are at least still traveling to the fighting pits.
We’ve seen Areo Hotah before (pictured above), as he’s the lone protector of Prince Martell, the ruler of Dorne. But this time around he finally played a significant role in an episode as he breaks up Jamie Lannister and Bronn’s attempt to steal Princess Myrcella from the Water Gardens of Dorne. Areo Hotah also broke up the Sandsnake’s attempt to steal the Lannister princess and use her to start a war between Dorne and King’s Landing.
I’m of a mind to think this was the shoddiest, most convenient writing that HBO’s show writers have done at any point in this series’ history. Bronn and Ser Jamie are able to just saunter into the most highly guarded building in Dorne? All because they were wearing the right uniforms? Even though those uniforms were covered in blood? And once there they immediately found Jamie’s incestual daughter, Princess Myrcella, and she’s making out with a young prince of Dorne? Then exactly while this is happening the Sandsnakes attack, and Areo Hotah is able to just walk in with his bros and be like ‘stop, everyone, we’ve got you outnumbered and I’ll kill you even though you’re all Royals and I’m just some dude in charge of protecting a man who’s stuck in a chair at all times.’
It’s just too convenient, all of these moving parts converging at THE EXACT same time. I don’t want to call the writing of this plot completely garbage, but it was at least overly convenient and lazy. There’s no way all those travelers and attackers meet at the exact same place at the exact same time, it’s just not possible.
It’ll certainly be interesting to see how this all plays out going forward. Now the ruler of Dorne has Jamie Lannister, the princess Myrcella, and Ser Bronn all locked up, as well as his crazy nieces known as The Sandsnakes. So the ball’s really in Doran Martell’s court, and he gets to decide whether to raise an army against King’s Landing or just start releasing the hostages without incident.
The Queen of Thorns, Olenna Tyrell, is back. She’s the matriarch of the Tyrell family, the rulers of Highgarden. Since we last saw Olenna, Margaery Tyrell has become the Queen of Westeros, so the family’s picked up considerable power. But they’re getting their asses bullied around right now by Cersei’s empowerment of The Faith Militant, the army of The High Sparrow. They’ve got Ser Loras locked up for having sex with Renly Baratheon, now they’ve got the actual Queen locked up for lying about it. Meanwhile Tommen is doing nothing, acting like a powerless child, and Cersei’s just letting it all happen after the Queen of Thorns threw some serious shade at her.
So how does this all play out? Tommen has to go about getting his wife back, there’s just no avoiding that. Mace Tyrell is off dealing with the Iron Bank in Braavos, and for the time being we’re to assume he both knows nothing and is not capable of doing anything. So what we’re looking at is the inevitable showdown between Cersei vs. Margaery/Olenna Tyrell. Shiznit is about to hit the fan.
Littlefinger’s back and while he constantly reiterates his role in life is to serve, he’s literally setting bonfires EVERYWHERE, and is making sure the realm burns within a fortnight. Littlefinger’s masterminding conflicts all across the seven kingdoms, and now that he’s back in King’s Landing and giving Cersei all the info about Sansa up at Winterfell it’s only a matter of days until an army marches up the King’s Road to get Sansa + meet Stannis there. SO MANY THINGS ARE HAPPENING! Littlefinger might also be named ‘Warden of the North’, but at the cost of taking Winterfell himself and putting Sansa’s head on a pike. None of that will happen. I don’t even know where to begin with him, because at this point you don’t know when he’s being serious and/or disingenuous.
WINNERS: Arya Stark, The Faith Militant + The High Sparrow
Can we just stop for a second and say WHOOOOOOOoOooOOOooAAAaaaaaaaaAAAAA!!!!! Arya finally got a look at what goes on behind the door after she’s cleaned and prepared the dead bodies, and what the future holds for her serving the many faced God. So what’s behind that door? What’s with that game she’s playing?
The game consists of a person telling truths and/or lies, and the person holding a switch beats them when they see those lies. In some ways Arya has just entered the ‘Ball is Life’ phase of her character arc, as Jaqen told her ‘we never stop playing’. So at every waking moment within the temple she’ll be playing the game, trying to tell lies without giving anything away on her face, and she’ll be beaten if she gives away anything. The goal of the game is to tell an expressionless lie, this is training on your way to becoming a ‘faceless man’.
Also, there’s that entire room full of faces sitting in jars. Maybe being a ‘faceless man’ means you wear those faces and can turn into anyone at anytime? Maybe they’re just masks and there’s no magic going on at all. I’d like to think that there’s something slightly supernatural going on here, and that Arya will one day have the power to transform into the shape of any of those faces, but only time will tell. For now we just know that room exists, and that’s where the dead bodies go. We also can see that Arya’s truly began her training. She’s one of two real winners this week, her and the High Sparrow + Faith Militant. This was a tough week for Game of Thrones fans looking for anything bright, anything encouraging. Dark words, dark everything.
The High Sparrow and The Faith Militant appear to be the most powerful force in all of Westeros right now. They’ve been given free reign from the King to carry out justice in the King’s name. Lancel Lannister is some sort of a leader of The Faith Militant, if such a thing even exists. I think they’re all equals, with rank being a vanity not accepted by The Faith Militant, but the show’s creators continue to use Lancel as the face of that army as he’s someone we all know.
They’ve arrested the King’s brother-in-law, they’ve arrested the Queen, who the hell can be next?! This all has to blow up in Cersei’s face eventually, right? Nothing ever goes well for her in the long run, so she’ll probably be next in line to answer for bizarre charges.
Is the Boy King going to use his army to overthrow The Faith Militant now that they’ve taken his wife? Why the hell did he just sit there and do nothing when they dragged away the only woman he’s ever had sex with?! Not cool, not cool at all.
So that about wraps up this week’s biggest winners and losers, and the Game of Thrones recap for Season 5, Episode 6’s ‘Unbowed, Unbent, Unbroken’. If I missed anything feel free to tell me down below in the comments. This week’s recap was sort of written on the fly, and next episode’s will certainly be longer. We’ve only got 4 episodes left this season, so methinks we’re about to see all hell break loose in the coming weeks, and I cannot wait for it!