Hannibal Buress Brilliantly Trolled Vegans At PETA Protest
If you chose to have a vegan lifestyle that’s absolutely fantastic! More delectable spare ribs for me. You could eat a diet consisting of only seat cushions and pen caps, and as long as you didn’t chow down on my seat cushions and pen caps I wouldn’t give one tiny fuck. However what is a problem is when vegans attempt to impose their miserable non-meat diet on me. Save your breath and don’t tell me some slanted statistics of how vegans live longer. I don’t care. I’ll give you my bacon when you pry it from my cold, dead hands.
Hannibal Buress is a rational human being and that means he enjoys the fuck out of eating delicious animals. The comedian went to a super fun PETA protest to troll the shit out of these kale-lovers for a segment for his Comedy Central show Why.
He first confronts a woman who is protesting the use of animals in circuses, which I can understand and doesn’t affect me since I’m not 5-years-old so whatevs. Buress asked the woman if she considered her fellow protestors the Black Panthers of animal protesting. The woman replied with the nonsensical response of, “It’s the civil rights movement for animals. If we can be the Martin Luther King of animals, then why not.” Say what?
The comedian asked a vegan woman, “If you could be reincarnated as any animal what would you be?” She responded, “The wolf.” He points out that she would be eating sheep, to which she responded with, “Nope, I’d probably make friends with the baby lambs. I’d probably be a vegan wolf.” Um. That’s not how nature works.
Then a woman promises that turning vegan will help Buress slang better dick, which I will fervently debate and I imagine that it would actually cause your testosterone levels to plummet.
Hannibal hits the vegans with some knowledge, “Animals think other animals are delicious, so why shouldn’t I think that they’re delicious?”
Buress brings up dolphin rape, and maybe supporting dolphins is actually supporting dolphin rape.
Buress then asks these phonies if they would eat a plate of bacon or eggs for $10 million or a McNugget on a private jet for $25 million, and of course they passionately lie and say they wouldn’t ever do such a disgusting act of animal abuse. Liars. Fucking Belgium endive-eating liars.