Bono Has Just Been Named ‘Foreskin Enemy #2’, And Now I Finally Have A Reason To Like Bono


South Park / Comedy Central

Bono is the most insufferable celebrity on the planet, and it’s not even close. At one point in the mid oughts (2000’s) I almost stopped watching Entourage on HBO because I couldn’t sit through another opening of the show while having to listen to Bono‘s miserable voice and his sh*tty songs. He is without question the worst musician to ever make it to the A-list, but on top of that he’s a self-promoting prick who if I ever found myself in the same room as I’d likely square up and kick him in his junk for his crimes against humanity, and music. That said, I think I just found something to like Bono for: he’s now the world’s #2 proponent of circumcision. Being such a huge champion of foreskin clipping has also caused Bono to be named ‘Foreskin Enemy #2’ by The Canadian Foreskin Awareness Project (CAN-FAP), an anti-circumcision group. And for that I think I’ve finally found something to like Bono for, because as we all know foreskin is ridiculously unhealthy and the aesthetics of looking like an anteater is terrible for a bro’s psyche.

Why was he named ‘Foreskin Enemy #2’ and not #1? Well, I assume it has ties to South Park, and how Bono will always be the second-biggest crap in the world to Randy Marsh’s legendary dump (#NeverForget):

The Independent reports:

Dressed in a cap, underwear and a long-sleeved black shirt emblazoned with the slogan ‘I heart my foreskin’, Glen Callender and his followers have protested outside the U2 Innocence + Experience concerts and will continue to do so for the North American leg of the tour.
The Canadian native also carries a placard which read, ‘We condemn Bono’s support for mass circumcision’.
Speaking to VICE Magazine in May, Callendar spoke about the correlation between circumcision and HIV/AIDS – giving the statistic that circumcised men are 60 percent less likely to become infected during intervourse with a HIV-positive female.
He adds that for the last decade, dad-of-four Bono and his organisations have been promoting circumcision as a means of combating the epidemic.
“I don’t think Bono doesn’t mean well, but what we really have going on in Africa is that people are desperate for solutions, and there’s a group of people who decided in the ’90s that circumcision would be a good solution,” Callendar told the publication.

“Ultimately it comes down to understanding that it’s harmful, when you circumcise a baby boy you’re permanently damaging his penis, for his whole life he is never going to have the full sexual experience, he will never know how his penis was meant to feel during masturbation and sex, because every experience he’ll have with his penis is edited,” he stated.
Callender added that Bono is essentially being hypocritical, as he himself has not been circumcised.
“His Irish passport says he hasn’t, because in Ireland circumcision is almost unheard of. So his passport says he hasn’t been circumcised, but his falsetto makes me wonder. But I do think he probably has his foreskin.”

MTL Blog previews tomorrow's protest in Montreal against Bono's support for mass circumcision in Africa. Event page here, if you're in Montreal don't miss it!

Posted by Canadian Foreskin Awareness Project (CAN-FAP) on Monday, June 15, 2015

Sounds to me like the members of this group are all pretty messed up in the head because he wasn’t circumcised at a young age. Maybe if they didn’t have to go through life wondering why they’re rocking anteaters instead of a normal, circumcised penis none of this would’ve been an issue. Also, Bono’s just out there trying to combat the spread of HIV and these dudes are trying to take dumps all over his humanitarian efforts. Someone needs to put these circumcision haters in their place, and I hope Bono is the man to do that.

If you’re wondering who the Public Enemy #1 for Circumcision is it should come as no shock to find out that it’s Bill Gates, another man using his considerable wealth and power to combat the spread of HIV. Unlike Bono, Bill is not an insufferable human being.


And if you think my previous criticisms of Bono are a little too harsh then stop what you’re doing and watch this video:

Bono4Prez 2016 (Yes, I know that’s not really possible).

For more on this story you can click on over to the Independent’s write up.