Skipping Cafeteria Lines And Flat Screen TVs: O.J. Simpson’s Life Behind Bars Sounds Pretty Peachy

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Yesterday, news broke that O.J. Simpson could be a free man as early as October 1, as his parole hearing is scheduled for July 20. O.J., who has been jailed for nine years for murder a botched armed robbery and kidnapping attempt, could cut his 33 year sentence short if the parole board deems him rehabilitated.

If the parole board decides to reject Simpson’s October release, commissioners will decide the date of the next parole board meeting, which could be as far away as five years. But, that may not be the worst thing in the world, as O.J. is reportedly living a life of privilege in the clink in the small rural town of Lovelock, Nevada.

Simpson, who initially had trouble adjusting to life behind bars and became introverted and depressed, has since evolved into a model inmate who “99.9% of inmates like,” said Jeffrey Felix, a retired Lovelock prison guard. Felix said that Simpson has kept a photo of himself and Nicole Brown Simpson on a shelf in his cell, a cell that is 25% larger than that of the other inmates.

According to Inside Edition:

“He’s allowed to cut in front of lines,” a former prison guard said. “The other inmates don’t care. He can go to the front of the line for chow, he can go in front of the line for canteen he goes to the front of the line for clinic for his pill call.”

The guards have a nickname for him, Nordberg — his character’s name in The Naked Gun film franchise.

“He is in charge of the gym,” O.J.’s sister said. “He is the boss. He makes sure all of the equipment is clean.”

His life of ease includes poker games, and umpiring softball games. He also coaches the prison softball team.

Recently, Simpson became prison softball league commissioner, which involves overseeing umpires, deciding questions about rules and monitoring games.

O.J. also reportedly has a flat-screen television in his cell where he likes to watch Keeping Up With The Kardashians.

He’s the Juice,” Jeffrey Felix, a former prison guard said. “He’s O.J. Simpson. He does his thing.”

[h/t  Inside Edition]

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Matt’s love of writing was born during a sixth grade assembly when it was announced that his essay titled “Why Drugs Are Bad” had taken first prize in D.A.R.E.’s grade-wide contest. The anti-drug people gave him a $50 savings bond for his brave contribution to crime-fighting, and upon the bond’s maturity 10 years later, he used it to buy his very first bag of marijuana.