People love House Hunters.
It’s puzzling, really. Most of the episodes don’t even include lavish budgets or particularly spectacular homes. It’s just regular folks looking for a mundane place to call their own. But America fucking loves it. Even though all of the people hunting for homes on the show are their own special brand of insufferable and the show is a thousand-percent staged, we all watch it.
House Hunters is quite possibly the greatest hate-watch of all time. It’s SOOOOO aggravating. I think I only watch it so I can guess which house they will pick at the end. That’s where the real satisfaction is.
Here are some things that have come out of my mouth while watching the show with my wife.
Their budget is what? $100,000? Change the fucking channel.
Wait. How the fuck is a 4,500 sq. ft house only $100,000 in Atlanta? That’s not real life.
Whoa, whoa, WHOA. They ARE RENTING. This isn’t Rent Hunters. Fuck these people.
Oh, what a treat! House Hunters International on. What dumpster fire of a third-world country are these two idiots moving their poor children to now?
Go on, bitch. Make the joke about how the closet in the master bedroom is only yours.
Keep commenting about the paint color, you prick. You can’t possibly paint the fucking walls.
Not even Jay Fucking Gatsby entertains as many people as the people on this show think they are going to entertain once they own a new house.
You’re taking the best house off the list because the yard doesn’t have a fence for your dog? DO YOU HAVE A BRAIN INJURY?
You know what? I think I hate really this show.
Anyway, here’s the goddamn parody. It’s accurate. I need to go outside and cool off.