40. Rain Man – 1988
It’s not a bad movie, it’s just completely unremarkable other than one thing: Dustin Hoffman playing the legendary guy with a mental handicap. It’s another movie that’s spawned a thousand jokes and shitty impressions, but how many times have you actually heard someone talk about how much they like it? Exactly.
39. The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King – 2003
I know I’m going to catch hell for this one, but I just don’t think this is a very good movie. It’s the weakest of the trilogy, and I don’t even think it’s particularly close. It won pretty much because everyone wanted to reward Peter Jackson for the trilogy as a whole, but that doesn’t excuse its flaws – we all know about the 168,000 false endings (rough estimate) but there’s also the fact that the big badass showdowns actually feel kind of anticlimactic this time around and the Frodo/Sam relationship is overdone to the point where you almost expect them to feverishly make out on the slopes of Mount Doom. I’m being kind of picky, but, well, that’s what this is all about, you know?
38. Chariots of Fire – 1981
The only thing anyone really remembers about this is the theme song, which is kind of a problem. There’s nothing really wrong with the movie, but take away that legendary theme and it would probably have just drifted into obscurity like thousands of other good, solid but mostly unremarkable movies.
37. The Artist – 2011
This is the ultimate example of Hollywood loving nothing more than jacking themselves off. It’s a mostly silent movie about silent movies, but made in the 21st century! Isn’t that amazing? No, not really. Still, give director Michel Hazanavicius credit for having the balls to really put it all out there and wank all over the screen. Usually, public masturbation is frowned upon, but he got a goddamn award for it. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
36. A Man for All Seasons – 1966
I’ve been staring at the screen for a while now trying to think of something – anything – interesting to say about this. And really, that just about says it all, doesn’t it? There’s nothing really wrong with this movie – the acting especially is top notch in an old-school kind of way – but the thing is, who cares?
35. Million Dollar Baby – 2004
Look, I love Clint Eastwood too. But the dude does not exactly do subtle. And unless he’s chasing hoodlums off his lawn with a shotgun or stalking a wild-west whorehouse with, well, with a shotgun, that’s kind of a problem. I appreciate what he was going for here, but with like most Clint Eastwood directed movies, I was left with the feeling that it could have been just a little bit better.
34. A Beautiful Mind – 2001
We’re firmly into the “good but not great” portion of the list, and that means that it’s hard to really find interesting things to say. That’s a problem since that’s, like, my job, but that also says it all, doesn’t it? This is a decent movie with some decent performances and that’s that. Same as 1,000 other movies who didn’t somehow steal an Oscar. Then again, 2001’s other nominees were pretty uninspiring, so it basically won by default. Congratulations?
33. The King’s Speech – 2010
A very good movie with an Oscar winning performance by Colin Firth that will be utterly forgotten within a few years. In that respect it’s sort of this era’s version of A Man For All Seasons. It won its awards, we all admired it, and now none of us will ever watch it again. That’s not necessarily a bad thing, it just is what it is.
32. The Last Emperor – 1987
This movie is so ambitious and so beautiful… and to be honest, kind of boring. The extended version is over three and a half hours long, and it does have an almost hypnotic quality to it, but this is the sort of movie that people admire and respect more than they actually like, you know? It is quintessential Oscar bait, which… hey, mission accomplished, I guess.
31. Shakespeare in Love – 1998
It is ridiculous and almost shameful to like, but who cares, I dig this movie. It is fun and entertaining and goofy in a good way. Still, it’s not exactly what you would call an all-time great, right? Bonus points for riling up Middle-America by stealing the Oscar away from Saving Private Ryan. If this was a list for best Oscar troll jobs of all time, this would be number one. So hey, at least it has that going for it.