Shaquille O’Neal Goes Undercover As A Lyft Driver And His Disguises Are Glorious

If you step into a Lyft with a 7’1”, 340 pound driver with hands the size of a catchers mitt, you gotta start asking the right questions. Not questions like ‘what’s your favorite movie?’ or ‘how long have you lived in the area?’ but questions like ‘Are you Shaquille O’Neal, one of the best centers of all-time and culturally ubiquitous for over 15 years?’ I don’t care if Shaq wore a goddamn Scream mask, not being able to decipher that you’re in the car with one of the only people on the planet built like a skyscraper is downright unforgivable. A 7 foot off duty cop named Goose? Are you fucking high bro? IT’S SHAQUILLE O’NEAL YOU FUCKING FUCK DON’T YOU WATCH GOLD BOND COMMERCIALS IDIOT?!

P.S. Why are these people sitting in the front seat? I don’t want to connect with my Lyft driver, I just want to arrive safely to my destination without being butchered. I’d hop in the trunk to avoid interaction if given the option.