We’re just a few days away from the month of June, and you Bros know what that means: it’s almost music festival season. For those of you who are festival veterans, you know exactly what I mean when I say that you can spot the noobs from a mile away – can’t set up a tent, only packed perishable food, ain’t a bottle of sunscreen anywhere in sight – all things to be avoided if possible. Nothing says “Let’s rage, Bros!” like struggling to set up a tent for three hours, only to be laughed at by literally everyone in the campgrounds.
But fear not, for we have 10 things that’ll help you go from “apprentice” to “master,” and what better way to up your festival game than to roll up looking the part, aka fly AF:
1. ShadeTree Sunglasses, California Condor – White Oak Aviator
Not only are these glasses slick to look at, but they capture the essence of what music festivals really are: opportunities to rage face while being one with nature. What says “I’m here to party, but still know how to keep it classy” more than sunglasses made from white oak with polarized lenses? Nothing, that’s what.
2. A Canopy
For the love of god, just shell out the money and buy a canopy for your campsite this year. No one likes sweating in the hot sun all day and all night, just like how no one likes trying to play beer pong on a plastic camping table while it’s raining. A canopy solves both of these problems – just go buy one already.
3. An Air Mattress
We know you’re smart enough to have already bought a tent without us remind you, but did you buy an air mattress? No? Oh so then you enjoy sleeping on the hard ground and waking up with shooting back pain all over. Cool. We’ll keep that in mind.
Note: make sure that whatever air mattress you buy comes with a battery or hand pump, not an electric one that you need an outlet for.
4. A Tent
I know we said you’re smart, but…
5. Baby Wipes
It’s called “hygiene,” and just because you’re at a festival doesn’t mean you can blow it off for 3+ days. Buying yourself a cheapo pack of baby wipes to clean yourself down with means you don’t have to pay for a shower at the festival, and yet will remain semi-clean enough that crowds won’t split like the red sea once your pungent aroma hits them in the face; a win-win in our book.
6. Download Ethr
Ethr is an app that lets you listen to broadcast playlists you create with your friends, as well as listen to the same music that your favorite athletes, musicians, celebrities, etc. are currently plugged into. No longer will you have to wait until the closing act to hear exactly what Deadmau5 is listening to – just open up Ethr and listen in on whatever he’s got playing right then, right there.
7. A Fanny Pack
Fanny Packs were the butt of many jokes back in the 00’s, but now? They’re basically a necessity at festivals everywhere. Not only do they make “cool” ones so you don’t feel like a loser wearing one, but they keep you from getting pickpocketed, an unpleasant reality at many festivals.
8. Solar Powered Christmas Lights
Ever tried finding your campsite in the dark? Well now you’ll still have to struggle with that, but at least it will be easier since it’ll be easily visible with a bunch of solar powered Christmas lights strung everywhere. Hang enough of them up and you won’t even need a camping lantern to keep your campsite lit after the sun goes down.
9. Tools, Bitch
A mallet and hammer are always two things it never hurts to bring when you will surely be hammering and mallet-ing things into the ground at some point when setting up your campsite.
10. Camping Chairs
What, you’re gonna sit in dirt all weekend? Another “duh” entry, yes, and yet I’ve seen people show up with tents, food, and that’s it – nothing else. Technically yes, you can make it the whole weekend sitting on the ground, but let me ask this: do you want to spend the whole weekend sitting on the ground? I don’t think so.
And that’s it, Bros — pretty simple. Some of these things you most surely already have, others you can borrow from friends and then a few you’ll have to go out and buy on your own. But trust us, if it seems superfluous, in reality it’s more than necessary (as you will find out upon waking up from a solid eight hours of sleep on an air mattress, whereas your friends pulled a paltry three trying to rough it in sleeping bags).