In an unsurprising cosmic twist of the universe, Will Smith’s spawn, Jaden and Willow Smith, both have music careers. Willow Smith’s ““Whip My Hair” went platinum years ago (she is 14) and Jaden, 16, just released an album called “Cool Tapes Vol. 2.”
But we’re not here to discuss the Smith family’s music. We’ll let others who care about such frivolous things do that. We’re here to poke fun of the batshit joint interview the brother-sister pair gave to The New York Times about music, teenage life, and art. It reads like an Onion article trying to make fun of stoner teenagers who think they are really far out and deep, but really come across like faux-introspective loons:
One of the gifts of being young is that particular blend of self-confidence and self-consciousness. Jaden and Willow Smith have managed to turn this form of heady teenage introspection into expression instead of ennui. Willow, the 14-year-old musician whose debut single, “Whip My Hair,” went platinum when she was not yet a teenager, explains that the gift of life is “looking at nature and being, like, ‘Wow, I am so lucky to have a body and to breathe and to be able to look at this.’ ” To which her older brother Jaden, a 16-year-old actor and musician, adds: “And the huge, terrible thing the world would be missing by not expressing yourself.” To that end, both Jaden and Willow, the children of Jada Pinkett Smith and Will Smith, released new albums this month, including two tracks by Jaden that make their public debut here.
This is the type of pseudo-intellectual bullshit that comes out of your mouth when you’re 16, just smoked marijuana for the first time in your life, and you’re listening to Pink Floyd’s Dark Side Of The Moon in your parents’ basement while stuffing your face full of Cool Ranch Doritos. So heady, so deeeeep, man.
The extent to which Jaden and Willow actually sound like a half-baked Professor Jennings from Animal House is both baffling and hilarious, since normal humans do not communicate on this wavelength.
Via the New York Times:
I’m curious about your experience of time. Do you feel like life is moving really quickly? Is your music one way to sort of turn it over and reflect on it?
WILLOW: I mean, time for me, I can make it go slow or fast, however I please, and that’s how I know it doesn’t exist.
JADEN: It’s proven that how time moves for you depends on where you are in the universe. It’s relative to beings and other places. But on the level of being here on earth, if you are aware in a moment, one second can last a year. And if you are unaware, your whole childhood, your whole life can pass by in six seconds. But it’s also such a thing that you can get lost in.
WILLOW: Because living.
JADEN: Right, because you have to live. There’s a theoretical physicist inside all of our minds, and you can talk and talk, but it’s living.
WILLOW: It’s the action of it.
“Brrrrrruuuhhh… Timmmmme. Just keeps ticking…. Just a construct of our mindsssss. It’s allllll sooooooooooooo…. Relative… man.”
Next up, the Smith siblings dive into the “meaning” of their work. *Bong Rip*: “Whuttttt does it all meaaaaan, mannnn?”
What are some of the themes that recur in your work?
JADEN: The P.C.H. being one of them; the melancholiness of the ocean; the melancholiness of everything else.
WILLOW: And the feeling of being like, this is a fragment of a holographic reality that a higher consciousness made.
JADEN: [bursts into laughter] As soon as me and Willow started releasing music, that’s one thing that the whole world took away is, okay, they unlocked another step of honesty. If these guys can be honest about everything, then we can be more honest.
Duddddeee like have you ever thought about how fucking big the ocean issssss, mannnn? It’s just a sea… of possibilities! I learned this driving in the BMW my dad bought me from L.A. to Santa Barbara on the PCH. Just a fragment of a holographic reality from a higher consciousness and that’s some deeeeeepppp shit man. Literally, the ocean is deep. Think about it. Just like think about it…….
And now, on to the subject of THE HATERZ. These two are into some really heavy shit now, man, talking about duality of the mind and all the shit you’d learn in a very basic Philosophy 101 class.
How have you gotten better?
WILLOW: Caring less what everybody else thinks, but also caring less and less about what your own mind thinks, because what your own mind thinks, sometimes, is the thing that makes you sad.
JADEN: Exactly. Because your mind has a duality to it. So when one thought goes into your mind, it’s not just one thought, it has to bounce off both hemispheres of the brain. When you’re thinking about something happy, you’re thinking about something sad. When you think about an apple, you also think about the opposite of an apple. It’s a tool for understanding mathematics and things with two separate realities. But for creativity: That comes from a place of oneness. That’s not a duality consciousness. And you can’t listen to your mind in those times — it’ll tell you what you think and also what other people think.
WILLOW: And then you think about what you think, which is very dangerous.
HEAVY SHIT. DUALITY. LIKE, DO YOU EVEN NIETZSCHE, BRO?!
But let’s think about this “When you think about an apple, you also think about the opposite of an apple” statement. I think that means you’re thinking about… A FUCKING ORANGE?! IDK, when I want a motherfuckin’ honeycrisp, all I can think about is getting to the motherfucking Whole Foods to pick up an entire bag of motherfucking honeycrisps. Don’t give me this “You also think about the opposite of an apple” bullshit, Jaden. A man wants what a man wants.
Skipping ahead, they talk about fulfilling their material desires by purchasing Final Cut Pro or Logic. When you’re 16 and have a platinum card that your dad’s accountant probably pays the bill to every month, there’s not a lot you need, mannn. Money is a material construct of The Man, Man. Cue Pink Floyd:
What are the things worth having?
JADEN: Something that’s worth buying to me is like Final Cut Pro or Logic.
WILLOW: A canvas. Paint. A microphone.
JADEN: Anything that you can shock somebody with. The only way to change something is to shock it. If you want your muscles to grow, you have to shock them. If you want society to change, you have to shock them.
WILLOW: That’s what art is, shocking people. Sometimes shocking yourself.
THEY JUST WANT TO SHOCK YOU. $$$$$$$ = shock people. Share it fairly but don’t take a slice of my pie brrrruah:
Back to the music! Now we’re on the subject of breathing, which CONFIRMS that everyone was fucking stoned out of their mind listening to Dark Side Of The Moon:
You mentioned breathing earlier, and it’s also an idea that recurs in your songs.
WILLOW: Breathing is meditation; life is a meditation. You have to breathe in order to live, so breathing is how you get in touch with the sacred space of your heart.
JADEN: When babies are born, their soft spots bump: It has, like, a heartbeat in it. That’s because energy is coming through their body, up and down.
WILLOW: Prana energy.
JADEN: It’s prana energy because they still breathe through their stomach. They remember. Babies remember.
WILLOW: When they’re in the stomach, they’re so aware, putting all their bones together, putting all their ligaments together. But they’re shocked by this harsh world.
JADEN: By the chemicals and things, and then slowly…
WILLOW: As they grow up, they start losing.
JADEN: You know, they become just like us.
“Breath is just like… so…. natural, man. Like… everyone does it. Think about it… Everyone…. That’s so much breathing, man.”
And finally, let’s talk about edu-fucking-cation. The NYT asked some pandering B.S. about “unlearning things,” which is EXACTLY what your favorite Birkenstock-wearing, George Orwell-obsessed 8th grade social studies teacher always talked about:
So is the hardest education the unlearning of things?
WILLOW: Yes, basically, but the crazy thing is it doesn’t have to be like that.
JADEN: Here’s the deal: School is not authentic because it ends. It’s not true, it’s not real. Our learning will never end. The school that we go to every single morning, we will continue to go to.
WILLOW: Forever, ‘til the day that we’re in our bed.
JADEN: Kids who go to normal school are so teenagery, so angsty.
WILLOW: They never want to do anything, they’re so tired.
JADEN: You never learn anything in school. Think about how many car accidents happen every day. Driver’s ed? What’s up? I still haven’t been to driver’s ed because if everybody I know has been in an accident, I can’t see how driver’s ed is really helping them out.
WILLOW: I went to school for one year. It was the best experience but the worst experience. The best experience because I was, like, “Oh, now I know why kids are so depressed.” But it was the worst experience because I was depressed.
OMG. You guys just tee’d up “Another Brick In The Wall,” didn’t you? We don’t need no thought control. Teachers… leave Jaden and Willow alone!
“FIGHT THE MANNNNN, MANNNN!”
I think I need a minute. My mind is just TOO BLOWN by the stupidity of these statements across the board.