Music is all around us at all times. It’s playing over the speakers in every store and restaurant you enter. It’s available through every device that’s being created, although usually it’s criminally free or cheap for consumers (that’s a different article for a different time). It’s in the background of movies to make us feel emotions that the actors’ performance may have otherwise not gotten us to feel–violins make you cry, not Julia Roberts or whoever.
Okay, maybe that was a little bold (or maybe not), but it’s clear that music is an inescapable aspect of life. Now, you’re probably thinking…
“Why would I want to escape it though? I love music!”
Precisely! You don’t want to, and nobody does. Everyone has their very distinct taste in music, and to that end, a person’s preference in the pulsating rhythms of a particular genre can pinpoint their personality. Alliterations aside (except that one), if you dig into a person’s iPod, record collection or streaming station history you may find out more about them than you ever knew before.
It’s safe to assume you’re an adjunct professor of sorts at a college or university. You enjoy a nice strong cup of coffee of a morning while reading the New York Times (because that’s a classy publication), and wear cardigans nearly year round. Cartoons such as Tom and Jerry along with all things Disney are your favorite, because they use classical music of course. You own Beethoven and Amadeus on VHS.
From behind it’s tough to tell whether you’re a man or woman, because your hair length is reflective of some of your favorite rockers, who suffered from the same problem until their lasting legacy gave them the right to be unkempt atop the dome. Your vinyl collection is as extensive as your knowledge on the history of the subject of classic rock, a topic you shovel down the eardrums of anyone at any social gathering at any time.
R&B / Soul
You enjoy irony. Singers like Al Green (“the Reverend”) singing about…
“Ya see, sometimes I hold my arms, I say mmmm hmmm hmmm”
And what an innuendo that is coming from a man of the Lord. Or should I say, “Lord have mercy, it’s getting sultry and sweaty up in here, thanks Reverend!”
Not a single pair of your jeans has knees that are intact. You own plenty of pairs of Converse Chuck Taylor’s, all of which have Sharpie writings all over the white spaces of the toes. You probably, at most hours of the day, look as though you’ve just gotten off a shift from working in an auto body shop because of how greasy your hair is, but that’s just because you think hygiene is conformity and refuse to oblige.
You like to dance. Doesn’t mean you’re any good at it, but you like to dance. You’ve been “Staying Alive” since this craze swept the 70s even though your pants have been tight enough to cut off circulation since its existence.
Anything From The 80s
You sympathize with all things synthesizer. Much like many of the artist of this decade you’re a one-hit wonder, meaning you like drugs. “C’mon, just one hit!”
You feel misunderstood, but unlike your favorite lead singers it’s just angst and not because literally nobody understands what it is that you’re saying. You feel cold and alone, so that’s the reason you wear flannels all the time–not just because Eddie Vedder did.
You’ve probably always got “beef” with somebody. Gangster rap was mostly just the musical version of “beef” between rappers. However, your personal squabbles aren’t set to catchy beats and worth millions of dollars.
You’re probably white and enjoy the renditions of what white people have done to this genre of music alongside the iconic figure of Bob Marley. You’re busy at 4:20 every day of the week and never get tired of making that joke.
You’re just a whiny person who probably leads a pretty good life, but you feel the Earth crumbling around you at all times with the sadness creeping in. Why is that? You don’t know, but you seriously wish you could “Stop Crying Your Heart Out.”
Early 2000s “R&B” Featuring Rapped Lyrics From DMX Or Ja Rule And The Like
You, your friends or your parents at some point have owned a convertible, so you’ve cranked this stuff out the speakers as you flew down the highway to a barbecue where this same music was playing. You never knew the rap parts, but you were “Always On Time” for that Ashanti lyric.
You’re very passionate about explaining what country music REALLY is, and which artists aren’t country these days. However, despite hating on them for their pop-like tones, you still fall under the category of their song subjects. Yes, you enjoy drinking beer, shooting deer and hoping that one day you can do all those things alongside Jesus.
Anything after ~ 2008
I Bielieb it’s quite obvious you’re a…
“Baby, Baby, Baby!”
DISCLAIMER: I had to Google those lyrics.
You don’t actually like music. You enjoy the idea of hearing loss, schizophrenia and working in an overwhelmingly loud factory for fun. You’re a self-proclaimed “festy.” You may or may not have tinnitus, but you’re not sure, because you couldn’t hear it when your doctor told you the results.
You are a singer-songwriter.
Man listening to music image by Shutterstock