The 19 Best Ugly Christmas Sweaters For 2019: Deez Nuts, Human Santapede, And More!

by and 8 months ago

best ugly christmas sweaters

The goal of finding and buying the best ugly Christmas sweaters is simple: To ensure that you look like the idiot to end all idiots at all of your holiday parties this year. Because make no bones about it, that is the main objective. Sure you want to merry-make and all that other festive mumbo-jumbo, but one of the best parts of ADULT CHRISTMAS, is wearing something tacky and highly questionably. Well, that and pouring loads of Jack Daniels into the egg nog.

But before you can consume a hefty amount of liquor, you have to get your attire right. You have to find the best ugly Christmas sweater you can. Without it, your holiday (and life) will be ruined. Plus, what else are you going to wear on a yuletide bar crawl around the city? Ugly Christmas sweaters are the best for chattin’ it up with strangers you’d never talk to. It’s the ultimate conversation piece, especially if you’re one-upping your effort from last year on the holiday party circuit.

So without further ado, here are the best ugly Christmas sweaters on the market right now for 2019.

Deez Nuts
deez nuts christmas sweater
Deez Nuts jokes will never not be hilarious. Combine that with some play on words about one of the most famous ballets on earth, you have an awesome ugly Christmas sweater.

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Ya Filthy Animal
home alone christmas sweater
The best part of Home Alone (in my humble opinion) is now a member of our best ugly Christmas sweaters list.

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Mr. Narwhal
elf christmas sweater
Lowkey my favorite line and character from Elf. Mr. Narwhal is the greatest.

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The Big Lebowski
dude abides christmas sweater
The dude abides. Plus, gotta love the bowling pin and ball in the sweater’s pattern.

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Let It Glow
light up christmas sweater
Oh, it’s fucking lit. This cool reindeer has lights in its antlers, and they actually light up when you move in this sweater.

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Jolly AF 
jolly as fuck sweater
Huge if true.

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Let’s Get Lit
Best Ugly Christmas Sweaters
Celebrate the season by doing the only thing you can do to let you forget that you just dropped a month’s worth of rent on gifts for all the people in your life. It might be a Ramen New Year, but until then, celebrate the miracle of Christmas by getting lit like you’ve never gotten lit before.

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The Hairy Chest
Best Ugly Christmas Sweaters
Come now all ye faithful and behold this beauty, which reminds us that it’s time to get back into shape and maybe do some manicuring. Bring in the spirit with pierced nipples just like Jesus and Santa would have wanted you to with this beauty.

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Santa’s Pooping
Best Ugly Christmas Sweaters
Well, I mean there are worse things he could be doing, right? Right??? Besides, let no man shame another man for taking a moment to drop a deuce to celebrate the Lord’s birth this holiday season. It’s what Jesus would want you to do because you don’t even want to know the spicy foods that wrecked the gang’s intestines during the last supper.

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I Have A Big Package For You
Best Ugly Christmas Sweaters
Damn, Santa, can you just get back to the pooping? While we all appreciate a Christmas present for jolly ol’ St. Nick, I’m not sure if this is the package we’ve all been waiting for since we were kids. Put this package back in the sleigh, Santa.

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Santa’s Coming to Town
Best Ugly Christmas Sweaters
We just talked about this, Santa. What you do on your own time is up to you, but this is supposed to be a holy day, a day for the kids, not your assorted debaucheries. You can come again tomorrow, but leave today for the innocents, bro.

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Ask Your Mom If I’m Real
Best Ugly Christmas Sweaters
Jesus, Santa! When is enough enough? First you take a dump down our chimneys, then you start talking your package and coming, and now you drag Mom into this? Not today, old man. Not today.

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Happy Birthday, Jesus
Best Ugly Christmas Sweaters
Now this is much more hopeful as we remember the reason for the season. You have to dig the balls on Jesus there wearing a crucifix necklace to mock Pontius Pilate and everyone throwing trash at him on his finest day. Now this is a man with a sense of humor.

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The Carrot Trail
Best Ugly Christmas Sweaters
Uh… yeah. I don’t even want to know what is going on here other than Frosty might want to step away from the glory hole before Rudolph goes to town on him. He’s already lost a couple of carrots and I don’t think you get more than that. It does grow back, right? Right???

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Fake Trees
Best Ugly Christmas Sweaters
Man, can we just stick to Christmas here? Yes, in this horror show that is our culture today, it’s all fake news and fake trees thanks to our dear leader. You can believe in change in 2020, and you can believe in real trees coming back to town, but for today, I guess this is what we are stuck with. Fake trees and fake good cheer.

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Make Christmas Great Again
Best Ugly Christmas Sweaters
Hey, why not? No matter what you believe and no matter what side of the shitstorm that you fall on these days, it’s nice to come together and try to make Christmas great again, right? Let’s get back to when we were kids and the only thing we had to worry about is if we would get the newest and coolest GI Joes on Christmas morning. You’ve done a lot of things, Donald, but if you can make Christmas great again, maybe it will have all been worth it. Then again…

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Drinking Game
Best Ugly Christmas Sweaters
You’re going to drink. That’s a given. So you might as well make a game of it, right?

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Santa Unicorn
Best Ugly Christmas Sweaters
Santa Claus is make-believe so you might as well go all out and have him riding a unicorn through space as he delivers his presents to all the good little girls and boys.

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Human Santapede
Best Ugly Christmas Sweaters
Is that Santa doing the elephant walk? Nope. Just a Human Santapede version of the ugly Christmas sweater. It’s creepy and twisted and, therefore, absolutely perfect for your December bar crawls. Here’s why: Just buy this sweater and let your creepy friends ask you if its the Human Centipede, to which you reply “No, It’s the Human Santapede”. Everyone bursts into tears. Curtains close. The crowd goes absolutely crazy.

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The BroBible team writes about gear that we think you want. Occasionally, we write about items that are a part of one of our affiliate partnerships and we will get a percentage of the revenue from sales.


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