There are few joys more deeply felt than camping. It’s a versatile activity that’s perfect for when you just want to get away in the woods by yourself for a few days, or for when you want to get your bros together and get blasted around a fire like our ancestors used to. But, camping isn’t camping without the right gear. Take all the useful tools away and what you’re left with is basically just a hobo squatting out in the woods.
So, whether you’re up for a real survival challenge, or just want to bring some comfort to your camping days and nights, you’re going to need the following camping gear, all of which will help you make it out of the woods in one piece.
First things first… you’re gonna need a good first aid kit. There’s a lot of things in the woods that want to kill you, or at least irritate you with little cuts and scrapes. What can I say? Nature is a dick. But you can fight back with this 115-piece first aid kit, which has everything from bandages to scissors to an emergency blanket to a damn raincoat. You could go to war with this kit.
Listen, I know what this is for. You know what this is for. So, just buy it and, uh, enjoy the woods with your lady. Or bro. No judgments here.
Sure, cooking over an open campfire is the ideal, but in the real world, that doesn’t always turn out so well. It doesn’t cook evenly and unless you want everything to taste like smoke, you’re gonna need something else, and this propane stove fulfills that need. It’s your basic propane stove. No frills. Nothing fancy. But it will cook your food and it won’t take up a ton of space, and really, when it comes to camp stoves, what else matters?
Believe it or not, but tables are not a natural phenomenon found bounding in the woods. You’re gonna need to bring your own, so why not bring this versatile table? It folds up for easy storage, and comes complete with built-in cup holders and a checkerboard pattern so you can play games without having to haul around a board.
Without a bucket, you’re not going to be able to store any water, and without water, you will die. That’s just science, bros. But this bucket is special because it’s collapsible, which means you don’t have to carry a big, bulky bucket around with you. It comes in sizes from 10 liters to 23 liters, so whatever you need, you can just unfold it, fill her up and live to see another day.
Once you have that bucket all filled up, you can buy this, attach it and hey, you’ve got yourself a shower! In the woods! This beats having to find a lake and clean yourself in that. I mean, there’s fish shit in there, bros.
If you don’t have access to clean, drinkable water, then this is a lifesaver. Literally. Just use it to filter out all that lake water with the fish shit in it, and you’re good to go.
This two-piece pots and pans set is perfect because not only is it specifically made for outdoor use so you don’t have to ruin your normal pots and pans, it’s also lightweight, compact and comes with a small bag which hangs right off your backpack for easy storage. And before you say anything, Grizzly Adams, yes, you need some pots and pans. Despite your fantasies, you’re not going to catch a deer with your bare hands, skin it and roast it on a spit over a roaring fire. Just get your pans out and make some beans, dude.
This collapsible shovel/all-purpose tool is invaluable for when you need to dig yourself in for the night. At the very least, you can use it to bury your, uh, waste. But, really, you’d be surprised at how often you need to dig a hole while you’re camping. I mean, your buddy Joe gets a little wild, tries to hump a Grizzly and, well, you aren’t lugging Joe’s corpse through the woods. Always be prepared. That’s all I’m saying.
Listen, I’m here to help you no matter how distasteful this gets. And while there is freedom in pissing all over God’s creation, it’s not quite as much fun to pop a squat in the woods. At best, you’re shitting in the woods like a bear or the pope if the old sayings are right. At worst, you’re worrying that something is going to crawl up there, and… nope, let’s not even entertain that thought. Instead, buy this… well, it’s a bucket, but it comes with a snap-on seat for comfort and if you put a bag in there (please put a bag in there) and cover your droppings up with, say, peat moss every time you use it, you’d be surprised at how good a toilet it makes. I’m just looking out for you here.
This is the perfect lantern for the serious camper. First of all, it’s waterproof so you don’t have to worry about it getting damp and shorting out on you. Second, and perhaps more important, it can run for up to six days without needing to change the batteries. That kinda matters when you’re out in the middle of nowhere and don’t have room for an entire arsenal of fat D’s. Batteries, that is.
That camping life isn’t complete without a backpack to carry it all around in, and this pack will fulfill all your needs. It’s lightweight and comfortable, but with a 55-liter capacity, which means you could fit a full-size keg in there if you really wanted to. Look, I know what’s important to you.
What’s the absolute best thing about camping? Relaxing. I mean, that’s kind of the whole point, right? And there’s no better way to relax than with a good hammock, and there’s no better hammock than this one. It’s made from the same nylon they use to make parachutes, so it’s not going to tear on you, and it packs down to the size of a grapefruit so you’ll have no problems fitting it into your giant keg backpack you just bought.
This waterproof tent boasts a quick and easy setup that says it takes only 60 seconds, which is a gift from the gods for anyone who’s gone through the torture of trying to set up a tent only to find a stray pole laying there. It easily fits three adults and, well, for most people, this is the perfect camping tent.
Of course, some of you may have, uh, bigger needs when it comes to your tent, and if you’re gonna go big, go all the way with it. This eight-person tent is more like a mobile home, almost seven feet tall so you can walk around in it unless you’re Manute Bol, and spacious – you could fit the entire Brady Bunch inside. Alice would have to sleep outside like an animal, but she’s used to that. It’s also waterproof and everything else that makes for a good tent, but really, this is all about size, baby, and as we all know, size matters.