Back in the day – I’m talking waaaaaay back – if man wanted to get drunk, he had to mash some grapes with his bare hands and wait for it to ferment while his wife nagged him to clean the cave. Thankfully, things are a little bit different, not to mention a little more refined.
Thanks to years of experience, and with a helping hand from modern technology, man has countless ways to get drunk, some classy, some, uh, not so classy. But whatever your needs, here are twenty drinking accessories that will make your life better, easier, and, of course, drunker. All for less than $100.
Get a kit that contains malt, hops, yeast and everything you need to brew five gallons of sweet, sweet booze. It comes with easy-to-follow instructions, and, I mean, come on, you get to brew your own beer. This is how God must feel.
This handy – not to mention cheap – little gadget lets you suck all the air out of an opened wine bottle so that you can still drink it for up to two weeks. It also comes with two Vacuum Bottle Stoppers, so that you can make extra sure nothing will get in there and ruin your precious happy juice.
Enjoy the holidays – or at least survive them – with this stocking flask, which holds 2.25 liters of sweet, sweet booze. Look, nobody needs to know why you’re so jolly on Christmas morning.
At some point, you grow up and realize that you need a classier way of getting shitfaced than your bro Meat holding you upside down over a keg. This wine opener kit is a great way to get started. It comes with everything you need for a classy wine experience, complete with an aerator, a thermometer and everything else actual adults use.
Look, it’s this simple: every man needs a flask, and a good stainless steel flask is the way to go. You don’t need anything fancier than that. This also comes with a collapsible shot glass and a money clip, but really, it’s all about the flask.
What are whiskey stones? They’re metal cubes which you freeze and use in your drinks in place of ice cubes. Handy, huh? They’ll never melt so your drink won’t get watered down halfway through, and you can use them over and over again.
Another must have for any grown man, this bar set gives you just about everything you need to make drinks like a pro, and the cocktail shaker will let you make them 6-10 at a time. It also comes with a cocktail recipe e-book, so you can finally start making something more exotic than “pour rum, add a splash of Coke (Coke optional).”
They’re wood coasters that say “Don’t Fuck Up the Table” on them. What more do you need?
Ever been to a bar, or better yet, a baller’s house, and they have all their liquor lit up like magic? Well, this is how they do it, and how you can do it now too. It’s a two foot long wirelessly controlled LED lit shelf to allow you to showcase your best liquors, and also your undeniable class.
For the drinksman on the go, these handy little flasks come disguised in fake tubes of sunscreen, bronzer and hair gel. If I need to explain why these are useful, then you’re probably in the wrong place.
Break out the fine crystal, your in-laws or coming. Or maybe you just want to pretend that you’re a classy European instead of the dude who once needed a round of penicillin after doing shots out of that stripper’s ass crack. Either way, this crystal decanter along with the four crystal glasses that come with it is a good way to snob it up.
After your in-laws leave, go back to your Viking roots with this literal drinking horn. It holds 24 ounces of your favorite booze. Neighbor pillaging is optional.
Bathtub gin used to be a staple of the drinking economy, and while this is a tad more refined than that, perhaps it’s time to get back to a DIY ethos. This makes two bottles of gin – the glass bottles are included – and you can buy refill flavors separately if you really want to get into the gin game. And, really, who doesn’t?
Why go to the bar when you can be the bar? Yes, this portable bar lets you be the center of any party, and as anyone knows, the man who holds the liquor holds the keys to the kingdom.
Look, let’s cut through all the bullshit. This is a pimp cup. But it’s important to find the right pimp cup for your pimping and cupping needs. There are a lot of cups out there with dragons and wolves and all sorts of Dungeons and Dragons shit all over them. Those are not true pimp cups. Those are nerd cups. But you don’t want some plain, boring cup either. Those are Jesus cups. You want something ornate, but not cheesy, and this is the way to go. Don’t let the name fool you. This isn’t some swords and sorcerers cup. This is a classy gold pimp cup.
Sick of your beer getting warm? You can’t very well throw some ice cubes in a bottle of beer, which is why this beauty was invented. It’s a rod-shaped chiller that you freeze and then insert into your open beer bottle, keeping it cold while you run game.
It’s a beer mug, yes, but more importantly, it’s a beer mug with a bottle opener built into the bottom of it. This is the sort of thing they should give Nobel Prizes for.
Time to get classy again, and that means a set of scotch glasses. Four of them, to be specific. It’s time to up your game, son, and this is how you do it. This is what Don Draper would do.
This is how the cowboys did it back in the day. Well, maybe not, but your beer is your version of a gun, and you need to be able to reach for it at all times. Okay, fine, even if you’re not into having quickdraw contests with your beers (you really should, though) at the very least, this beer holster will let you walk around with your beer and stay hands free. And as the old saying goes, an idle hand is the devil’s workshop, and that is one dude that knows how to have fun.
It’s a patio table with an ice bucket built into its base. Whoever invented this deserves a medal, or to be President, or Pope or whatever. This will make your life exponentially better. Just grab a bunch of beers, throw them in there and you never have to get up again. This is why humans rule the world.
Check out our 20 Killer Tech Gifts For Men Under $100 next!