A Totally Scientific Ranking Of Leonardo DiCaprio’s 15 Hottest Girlfriends Of All-Time

Leonardo DiCaprio has a decent life. He’s made an estimated quarter of a billion dollars by making a career pretending to be other people. He is also who my girlfriend thinks about while she’s banging me, so that’s reassuring. The 42-year-old DiCaprio shows no signs of slowing down either–securing his first Oscar last this year in his 25 year acting career and has never battled through the existential crisis/drug addiction we see from most celebrities who have experienced long-term fame.

And, the women–supermodels, actresses, my mother, you name it. News broke in June that Leonardo has so much sex that he reportedly vapes and wears headphones during sex. How much sex do you have to have with the world’s hottest women to throw on a Nickelback album before orgasming? The answer: too much for you and I to comprehend.

I’ve taken the liberty of putting together a completely scientific list of Leonardo’s 15 confirmed girlfriends in order of attractiveness. I definitely missed a few so don’t nail me to the cross in the comment section because Kate Winslett made the list, I have more blogging to do today than to do a deep dive into Leo’s fuck buddies. SO without further ado…

15.) Kate Winslett — Actress

14.) Bijou Phillips — Model

13.) Claire Danes — Actress

12.) Amber Valletta — Supermodel

11.) Demi Moore — Actress

10.) Tori Garrn — Supermodel

9.) Naomi Campbell — Supermodel

8.) Bridget Hall — Leo’s First Supermodel Girlfriend

7.) Helena Christensen — Former Miss Denmark

6.) Emma Miller — Model

5.) Blake Lively — Actress

4.) Gisele BundchenSupermodel

3.) Erin Heatherton — Supermodel

2.) Nina Agdal — Leo’s Current Supermodel Girlfriend

1.) Bar RefaeliSupermodel

God damn you Leo. Save some for the rest of us.

Matt Keohan Avatar
Matt’s love of writing was born during a sixth grade assembly when it was announced that his essay titled “Why Drugs Are Bad” had taken first prize in D.A.R.E.’s grade-wide contest. The anti-drug people gave him a $50 savings bond for his brave contribution to crime-fighting, and upon the bond’s maturity 10 years later, he used it to buy his very first bag of marijuana.