Paris Hilton, who was last internationally relevant when the remnants of Al-Qaeda were being flushed from southeastern Afghanistan, somehow believes that she is on ISIS’s kill list.
Look. Look. I can maybe, maybe, maybe, maybe see Osama Bin Laden, when he was on the run, catching an episode of season one of The Simple Life, trying to unwind from the constant threat of U.S. airstrikes, and, after seeing Paris Hilton unable to function on a farm in Arkansas while blathering on about how difficult sleeping in a twin bed is, thinking, “Damn, if I get the chance, I would kill her,” but there is no fucking way in hell Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi, issuing edicts out of Raqqa, knows who the fuck Paris Hilton is.
I mean, talk about being fucking delusional. Kim Kardashian, yea. I could see ISIS wanting to off her. Paris Hilton? Not a fucking CHANCE.
But here she is, insisting ISIS is after her.
‘I’m constantly moving around from one country to another and I’m a famous person who could be a definite target for an attack and that is something that sometimes terrifies me.’