In today’s most interesting Reddit thread, to us at least, Redditor “Coolsexguy420boner” has found Internet fame by posting a seven-year-old homecoming pic of he and his date, Kate Upton. A humblebrag? Possibly. Evidence of a family heirloom? Probably.
Coolsexguy420boner—who chose a name that really rolls off the tongue—says in the thread that he dated Upton for a few months in high school but they never “banged;” her super-religious family kept the future model locked away like a busty Rapunzel. The homecoming date would be the peak of their relationship, as he explains, via Reddit:
We met early in highschool at volleyball practice and through some mutual friends. We “talked” for a little while and started dating a few weeks after that. No I never “banged” her, I was like 16 years old and her family was really religious and it never really got that far. She was a really cool girl but I broke up with her because her family made it impossible for me to get close with her and it was hard on both of us to get a real connection.
I had no idea she would become an internationally published model one day, but that doesn’t really affect the way I feel about her.
He later says,
I like to think that this was her peak and its been pretty much all downhill since coolsexguy420boner showed her the night of her dreams
Indeed. Bask in the limelight, Coolsexguy420boner. Not only was your retainer classy yet understated in high school, you just informed the world that you once broke up with Kate Upton. That’s a résumé. That is a résumé.