Stacy Kiebler is Married, Eliminating the Chance You Never Had With Her

A kinder, more gentle Bro would probably write something like “Stacy Kiebler is off the market, so there goes your chances with her.” Not me, though. You never had a shot with the former wrestling babe. Not only have your paths never crossed, there’s also the probability that she wouldn’t find you attractive or stable enough to enter into an adult relationship.

To the facts:

Stacy Keibler married tech entrepreneurJared Pobre in an intimate sunset ceremony on a beach in Mexico on Saturday, PEOPLE has exclusively learned.

“My happiness is indescribable!” Keibler, 34, tells PEOPLE. “Marriage is the ultimate bond of love and friendship. It means putting all your faith and trust into a person that you can’t help but believe is your soul mate. Someone who has all of your best interests at heart; someone handpicked for you, to help you grow and be the best person that you can be. Jared is all of this for me.”

Aww, that’s nice.

Good luck to Pobre. It takes a bold man to attempt to fill George Clooney’s shoes. Not that you’ll feel the slightest bit sorry for him, of course.

[H/T: People]