A man in Japan stole $185,000 last year and spent it all to feed cats. That got us thinking about some of the ridiculous ways people might have used the more 62 billion dollars spent on pets in America this year. This list is why I only have a fake goldfish.
While the rest of the items on this list were likely purchased by selfish people wanting to show off their pets, the guy who played the Robin Hood of the cat world actually seems like a decent, albeit still horrible person. He was feeding 21 of his own cats and 100 strays every day for a year. Sure they probably didn’t need a gourmet diet, but at least he wasn’t buying them jewelry.
$406,000 Luxury Dog Kennel
I wasn’t allowed to have a TV in my room let alone a sweet sound system or spa. These dogs are living the life in the greatest dog villa ever built. Their daybeds are temperature controlled fergodsake. No more flipping the pillow or trying to find the cold spot for these pooches. The only downside to their $400,000 pad is that their friends can’t sneak in because mom and dad are dicks and installed a retina scanner at the door.
$3,000 – 22-Karat Gold-Thread Dog Mattress
I sure hope this mattress is at least TempurPedic. What good is 22-karat gold thread if the pillow doesn’t form fit Bo Schembarkler? None. What happens if the neighbor’s cat steps on it? That’s right; the wine glass is totally going to tip over. Talk about a waste of $3,000.
$1,300 – Lifelike Large Cat Tree House
We were all jealous of the tree house in Swiss Family Robinson, but unfortunately most of us didn’t have parents handy enough to make that safe. Lucky for cats, they’re significantly smaller than us so owners can just buy them the elevated house of their dreams. My cat would hate me though because I’d just stack up a bunch of shitty empty boxes and draw on them a green marker.
$3,200,000 – 52-Carat Amour, Amour Dog Collar
Mike Jones famously rapped, “You don’t work, you don’t eat. You don’t grind, you don’t shine.” This cat much be grinding so unbelievably hard to warrant getting a $3+ million collar. I’ve gone diamond shopping for a human before, and it’s not a pleasant experience. I can only imagine trying to appease a cat. Whatever happened to just giving it a galaxy to wear on its neck?
$31,660 – Hello Kitty Dog Bed
This doesn’t make any sense, but Hello Kitty rules on the world though so it’s no surprise dogs jock it too. Whatever happened to normal dog houses like Snoopy’s? Only a little Shih Tzu could want a bed bedazzled with 7,600 crystal beads. My future dog is getting the race car bed that my parents never got me. I just feel bad for that poor schmuck of a mutt who’s lying on a mediocre 22-karat gold-thread mattress.