7 interests men should never lose after marriage

margaret, Flickr

I’ve got nothing against being married. In fact, I’d rather like to try it out someday. Still, I can’t help but feel there are some pitfalls associated with marriage. For the guys who want nothing more than to hold onto their masculine individuality, here are some things that could be sorely missed once they’ve been wife’d.

Photo credit: margaret, Flickr

7 Man-Time

Derrick Noh, Flickr

This includes mancations, bro-mances, man-dates and manniversaries. These all go out the window only to be enjoyed somewhere between never and almost never once you’ve tied the knot. They key thing here is: no women. This isn’t to say we don’t love women, just that we need a little time to allow absence to make the heart grow fonder and all that jazz.

Photo credit: Derrick Noh, Flickr

6 Over-eating

Krista, Flickr

What’s better than eating ’til you feel like you’ve become the very thing you’re eating? The correct answer is: eating more after that. Sometimes men just want to eat so much that we need to be rolled in an itis-induced stupor over to our beds so we can hibernate off the gluttony.

Photo credit: Krista, Flickr

5 Asserting Independence

Wapster, Flickr

Isn’t being a man all about flexing your independence biceps all the time? When a lot of guys get married, it’s like the long hunt is over and they have enough food and pelt fur to last them a lifetime. So, they’ll settle down with kids or just on the couch next to their wife and call it quits forever. That is, unless their wife says otherwise.

Photo credit: Wapster, Flickr

4 Sophomoric Sense of Humor

Todd McCann, Flickr

Some guys just want to hear a fart noise and laugh about it for a few moments. But if you’ve got a wife who gives you the stink eye every time you want to enjoy some physical, adult or toilet comedy, then you’ve either chosen your life mate poorly or you’d better start trying to get into her sense of humor.

Photo credit: Todd McCann, Flickr

3 Having Adventures

Joshua M, Flickr

Unless you’re a power couple who doesn’t wants children and dedicates their free time to climbing mountains, traversing jungles and circumnavigating the Bermuda triangle on self-manned sea voyages, getting married is probably going to, you know, slow things down a bit. And by slow things down I mean not give you any motivation to do anything but be married (because that takes up all your time and energy anyway).

Photo credit: Joshua M, Flickr

2 Partying Until the Break of Dawn

Rick, Flickr

What is it about being married that makes you get tired earlier? Don’t you remember the days that you could stay up until it got light… AND THEN DARK AGAIN? Unless the couple are highly experienced partiers who still have the steely resolve to pull serious all-nighters, you can say goodbye to staying out any time after the missus guilts you into going home with her. This can just as easily be flipped around for the boring husband that wants to keep his fun wife from staying out too late.

Photo credit: Rick, Flickr

1 Pornographic Enjoyment

John W. Schulze, Flickr

I’d imagine having a wife around would put a damper on your online romances with various Web sites. And if she wants to join in, well that’s just encroaching on your sacred alone time. As with everything else in marriage, there’s got to be a balance!

Photo credit: John W. Schulze, Flickr

(Previously published on February 2, 2012.)