Guys like to talk a lot about what things are “masculine,” so today we thought we would give you an alternative (female) perspective on a few so-called masculine things that actually turn women way, way off.
Photo credit: Masculine man image by Shutterstock
7 Walking Like a Piece of Pizza
A term coined by my Australian boyfriend from high school, “Walking Like a Piece of Pizza” is when a guy struts in a very, uh, triangular fashion. Shoulders broadened, chest puffed up like one of those weird, tropical birds trying to attract a mate, big-bicep-ed man arms swinging so unnaturally. Having good posture is great and all. Turn it down a notch there and stop thinking so hard about how big n’ strong you look while putting one foot in front of the other, though. You. Look. Like. A. Triangular. Robot. (That was in a robot voice, if you couldn’t read between the periods there.)
Photo credit: Man walking image by Shutterstock
6 Talking About How Much You Love Meat
Not man meat, you perv. Like literal meat: Burgers “cooked” rare! Bloody steaks! Bottomless chicken wings that make you feel like a fuckin’ animal as you tear the hormone-pumped animal fat straight from the bone! You’re a carnivore. You’re a man. We get it. How annoyed would you get if women talked about what they ate all the time? Oh, wait a minute…
Photo credit: melissaclark, Flickr
5 Being Obnoxiously Money Hungry
Being ambitious and career-driven is one thing. Being a greedy bastard is another. Pressure to be the family’s provider or breadwinner is outdated—but you already knew that, right?
Photo credit: borman818, Flickr
4 Picking Us Up
Just kidding. We love it! Unless you refuse to put us down. Or turn us completely upside down. That’s frustrating.
Photo credit: Man carrying woman image by Shutterstock
3 Staying Silent and Stoic (During Sex)
While we’re okay with the differences in communication between the sexes (get four vodka-sodas in us and we can talk foooooreeevvvverrrr while you stand there sipping whiskey, nodding and smiling along), everyone needs some verbal reassurance in bed. You like us all moan-y and responsive, and hey, so do we! Silent sex (a.k.a., bunny rabbit sex) is rarely memorable. As we mentioned before, if you can’t muster the courage to talk dirty, just say “yes” every once in a while, and you’ll be fine.
Photo credit: Mouth taped image by Shutterstock
2 Fist Fighting/Wrasslin’
As much as you’d like to be, you are not a lion. Violence is scary. And the lioness-like feeling we get after two men physically brawl in our vicinity is short lived. It just makes us hungry for some odd reason. And then there we are, drunk off like, six vodka-sodas, wanting to talk about food.
Also, we know you like to wrestle while a little wasted with your frat brothers (just as we like to pillow fight in our matching bra-and-panty sets), but please refrain from doing so in our presence. It makes us uncomfortable (unlike if you were a spectator at these said pillow fights).
Photo credit: Podknox, Flickr
1 Raping Things
You know the phrase “You don’t really know someone until you’ve walked a mile in their shoes”? For this point, let’s apply this term, with a twist: You don’t know what it’s like to be a woman until you’re given a rape whistle at your freshman college orientation.
Photo credit: Woman with whistle image by Shutterstock
(Previously published on September 8, 2011.)