Mixologist takes ‘cocktails’ way too literally

Cocktails are getting more complex every year. Have you ever had a drink with egg whites in it? They’re odd, yet delicious. Paul Photenhauer took the idea way too far though with his new book, Semenology: The Semen Bartender’s Handbook. Wait, semen bartenders? Who are these people and why do they need a handbook?


This is the ultimate handbook for mixologists looking for ingredients that go beyond exotic fruit juices and rare spirits. Driven by a commitment and passion for the freshly harvested ingredient, Semenology pushes the limits of classic bartending. Semen is often freshly available behind most bar counters and adds a personal touch to any cocktail. The connoisseur will appreciate learning how to mix selected spirits to enhance the delicate flavors of semen. The book provides useful tips that cover every detail of Semenology, from mixing and presentation to harvesting and storage advice.

I’ll give him credit for the joke about being freshly available, but this is just absurd. Are there people who actually want manlove in their rocks glass? I know I’m not their target market, but it seems undesirable. I’ve never had a woman ask me to mix her up a cocktail with baby gravy nor would I want lady-nut in mine. To each his own though I guess.

If you really want to screw up your homepage for the next few weeks, you can find it on Amazon. Just be sure you keep an eye on your used condoms if you buy it. An evil girlfriend might think it’s a funny prank to mix you up a mantail.

Hat tip to Steve Dahl Show