This is how one reacts after getting $300 million

Miguel Cabrera signed a 10-year, $300 million contract extension with the Detroit Tigers. He’s basically a Tiger for life. Everyone in Detroit’s happy for him, including his personal barber. Yes, when you’re super duper rich you have things like personal barbers, chefs and strippers. I made that last one up. But did I? Did I really? Is a personal stripper that awful of an idea?

*begins construction on homemade stripper pole*

While we’re at it, I’d like to throw my hat in the ring as Miguel’s personal GIFer. Sure, I’d run out of ideas after 2-3 days and would probably end up making GIFs of him pooping. But whatever. Poop gifs are cool too.