Paulina Gretzky got a helper monkey that will probably hump her

Instagram/Paulina Gretzky

It appears Paulina Gretzky got a monkey which is totally unfair because I want a monkey. I asked Guyism to get me one that would grab me beer from the fridge and do cool stuff like throw poop on people. But no.

Do you know how awesome it would be if I had a monkey around? Do know how many awesome GIFs I could make?

Oh, hey guys, here’s the monkey in a tuxedo eating Taco Bell. Oh, hey, here he is challenging me to a push up contest. Wait, yea, that’s him humping a Kate Upton poster.

Ugh. So many possibilities. I envy you Paulina Gretzky. Also, I love you. But it’s like jealous love. Also, I enjoy your boobs. Thank you.

(h/t: The Big Lead)