10 reasons it will be awesome to be an old man

great to be an old man

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Boys become young men, young men become middle aged men and middle aged men become old men – that is man’s progression through life. But making this life journey has a negative stigma attached to it. Isn’t it something we should all be aspiring to, and not afraid of? Here are some reasons being an old man will be awesome.

10 You’ll Still Be Having Sex

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Don’t worry, despite the stereotype (and hope of young people not to ever have to delve into this particular subject matter) research has shown that old people really are having much more sex than everyone else thinks.

9 You’ll Be Living Out Your Golden Years

golden years

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Another recent study shows that old people aren’t just reminiscing about their youth; they’re enjoying their golden years with increased maturity and diminished responsibilities by living in the present.

8 You’ll Be the Head of Your Family

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As the grandfather, you’ll be honored at all family gatherings and gazed upon as a familial deity, a veritable God among the proud kids and grandkids in your brood.

7 You’ll Get Away With Things

car on fire

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You’re going to get away with so many things just because you’re old.

Car accident? Old.
Shoplifting? Old.
Caring way too much about the state of your front yard? Old.
Shit your pants? Old. (As hell.)

There isn’t much that can be blamed on your personality anymore, only on the fact that you’ve aged past the point of being able to give a damn.

6 You’ll Be Wise

wise old man

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…so fucking wise. In fact, you’ll know everything. No one will be able to sway your opinion because no matter what the subject, you lived it.

5 You Won’t Have to Work

no work

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The older you get it seems the less time you have, but in fact, not having to work or take care of children means that old people have tons of time on their hands. Must be why they drive so fucking slowly.

4 You’ll Get Discounts

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Senior citizen’s discounts, everywhere. You’ll never have to pay full price at a diner or the movie theater ever again.

3 You Can Wear Whatever You Want

sandals socks

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Track suits? 24 hours a day 7 days a week. Sandals with socks? No problem. Tuxedo with a cape and top hat? You can pull it off in your sleep.

2 You Don’t Have to Ever Do Anything You Don’t Want To

old man flipping the bird

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Because you’re old and that’s the only excuse you’ll ever need.

1 You’ll Be Happy

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Research shows that aging helps us become more emotionally stable and content. You’re all done with finding your career and soul mate and all that’s left is figuring out how spend your time and money. Sign us up.