Work crushes: Making excellent decisions at the office Christmas party

Remember Quin, the girl who snapped at a guy for breaking up with her over text message while the whole Internet called her crazy? She’s now doing a regular advice column here at Guyism because you love her so. Today she tackles work crushes and the office Christmas party.

As a writer, it’s been a hot minute since I sat in a soul-crushing “normal” 9-5 office environment. However, with the onslaught of holiday receptions imminent, I look forward to mingling with clients that I see solely in the sobering floodlights of a downtown office building during normal business hours.

“Work crushes” become a very real and exciting reason to wake up every morning. They’re your singular raison d’être to log another mindless day of data entry or project management or whatever depressing below-your-education job may be.

Work crushes keep you motivated. A girlfriend of mine working in sales never would have made quota and gone on the corporate outing if the idea of sleeping with her coworker on a sponsored boozy overnight trip weren’t on the other end of every deal. She did go on that trip, and she did make it happen with that coworker. Everyone’s still employed, and no one’s the wiser.

Pretending that proximity to financially solvent men won’t affect a nubile mid-20s workforce is unrealistic. Companies with strict policies against intraoffice dating are not only living in a fantasy world, but also very likely committing a crime against nature.

It’s in everyone’s interest to keep things spicy around the office. Years ago I somehow developed a crush on my awkward and not terribly attractive cube mate. We spent so much time three feet apart that it was weird to not have him around me when I left the office. We flirted all the time, and it was a mutual benefit for us to bring our A-game to the office every day. Productivity was positively affected.

So toast to excellent decisions this Christmas party around the office. It may just lead you to a raise! (Not in that way — though, no judgments here).