10 Benefits of Dating a Stoner As Told By a Non-Smoker

by 3 years ago


I can’t recall the first time I smoked pot; most likely sometime early on in high school. I don’t remember getting ‘high’ initially. Perhaps it was mental, I don’t know, but I had been told many-a-time that ‘you don’t feel it your first time,’ something about your body not recognizing it or some shit. Moving forward, in typical teenage fashion, I tried it again.

To say that my body went haywire would be an understatement: heart palpitations, sweating, nausea, mild auditory hallucinations, and a complete and utter disassociation from reality. You may be thinking, ‘Fuck, did this chick smoke weed laced with PCP?’ No, I didn’t. It was straight up, run of the mill, bud. No bells or whistles.

Again, in typical teenage fashion, I tried it again.

Same-fucking-result! I was pissed! At this point, my friends were bona fide stoners. Before school, at lunch, after school, the whole bit. Why was Mary Jane such a cruel mistress? Why couldn’t I get stupid high, eat Doritos and watch Family Guy with the best of them? Was there something wrong with me?

To this day, I’ve never really had any great experiences with weed. In typical human fashion, I tried it again, and again expecting different results (definition of insanity? Eh, not really. More like definition of dedication.)

It all worked itself out eventually; I became a lush and got over it. In retrospect, it’s sort of a good thing, I feel like if weed worked on me the way it did on ‘normal’ people, I’d be smoking as I type this.

While I can’t smoke a doobie, I really have a soft spot for those who can. Some of the best people in my life are certifiable stoners. Don’t get me wrong, I know some fucking moron stoners. However, I think it’s all about how it affects you, ya know? I mean, unlike meth, or cocaine, weed is sort of different for each person. Every meth head is a bat-shit-insane-tweaker, and consequently every coke head is a slimy-douche-lord, but that’s really not the case with cannabis. I know maybe 30 people who smoke weed religiously, and I only really loathe about 10 of them. Those are awesome odds!

If the weed effects them positively and doesn’t render them an unmotivated, moody, loser, I’m all for it.

Here are the 10 best qualities of stoners I’ve come to discover throughout the years that make them genuinely datable ladies and gents:

(Keep in mind, I don’t actually know what it means to be high without feeling like I’m dying a slow and painful death so ultimately these are observations…none of this is scientific, so maybe…hop off my jock a little.)

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