The ’10 Most Unsafe Toys For Children’ In 2014 Consists Of Shit We Probably Played With As Kids

Toy guns. I fucking loved toy guns as a kid. Last Christmas, my mother unearthed a videotape of Christmas morning from when I was in kindergarten (I know, I was blown away that we still have a working VHS player in our house, too) and HOLY SHIT did they buy me a big mother fucking machine gun that year. The box was almost as tall as I was — way bigger than the one in the photo above. When I saw it on the TV, I looked at my parents and was like, “I can’t believe you guys bought that for a 6-year-old.”

That’s what time and society’s steady pussification has done to me. It made me question how I was reared as a child. I was astonished that my parents would buy a 6-year-old a gigantic machine gun. Thing is, that wasn’t even my first toy gun — I had at least 20 guns — and I turned out fine. I don’t own a gun now and as a kid I was always capable of separating fantasy and reality. Some children aren’t, sure, but is a toy gun the worst thing we could put in their hands? I’d be more worried about where you hide the knives in the kitchen. I guess times are changing, though.

That gun picturd above made the list of the 10 Most Dangerous Toys of 2014. Here are the rest, most of which are on the list for choking and eye-losing hazards, because obviously kids can’t choke on, or poke their eyes out, with just about anything. No, no, you’re right, that couldn’t possibly ever happen with a crayon.

  • Air Storm Firetek Bow’ by Zing
  • Ziggle’ four-wheeled cycle by Radio Flyer
  • Catapencil’ by Toysmith
  • Alphabet Zoo Rock & Stack Pull Toy’ by Skip Hop
  • SWAT Electric Machine Gun’ by Junxing Toys Industrial Co.
  • Wooden Instruments’ sold at Wal-Mart
  • Bottle Rocket Party’ by Norman & Globus (ScienceWiz)
  • Lil’ Cutesies-Best Friends’ doll by JC Toys Group
  • True Legends Orcs Battle Hammer’ sold at Toys R Us
  • Colored Hedgehog’ plush toy sold at Toys R Us

[H/T Daily Mail]

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