Everyone loves a good comeback story. Yesterday we received an e-mail from a Bro who was dumped after dating a girl for a couple of years:
Recently I was dumped by my smoking hot girlfriend of three years. After I finally decided to stop being a whiny little bitch, I did what any 30 year old since the Second World War would do… I got a Tinder account.
After widening my search to 41 miles because I assume everyone in a 20 mile radius I have either banged or at least have multiple known Eskimo brothers. It was time to start swiping. Tinder is great because right off the bat you can reject girls without hurting their feelings and burning your chances white their hot friends.
When swiping right I have preferences. Obviously it’s smoke show or bust because why the fuck not. But I also determined there should be points added and deducted for different reasons. Plus 2 points if she has a drink in her hand, negative 3 for cats in the pictures, that type of shit.
Frank went on Tinder for the first time to try his hand at the swipe game. It was his first time using the app, since he was in a relationship for so damn long. He managed to discover that having Tinder game is pretty damn easy, so he sent us some screenshots of his conversations, along with commentary.
I consider it the How Stella Got Her Groove Back of Bros picking up girls on Tinder.
Dahilia seen right thru me. She seemed like a wicked prude anyway and should have never got the right swipe.
Kerri wasn’t even supposed to be swiped and I have no idea how we matched up. But I decided to stop being so vain and give her a shot.
I still hold out hope for me and Abby, I assume she is busy with Those bastard future children of mine and will get her act together and realize I am what is best for their future.
Me and Amanda may have something but I don’t know how many times I can listen to the “Legend” album or deal with her closet weed addiction.
Clearly things did not work out with Crystal.
I thought me and Marzena had something special, unfortunately she is very good at hiding and is still nowhere to be seen.