The 9 Types Of Intelligence Everyone Has — Go Ahead And Lie To Yourself About Being Awesome At All Of Them

I know this might come as a complete shock to some of you, but everyone is intelligent in one way or another. In fact, there are nine types of intelligence that everyone has. Some folks are better equipped then others, sure, but even Brendan Dassey of Making a Murderer fame has some kind of intelligence in all of the category types below.

Per Funders and Founders:

In 1983 an American developmental psychologist Howard Gardener described 9 types of intelligence:


Hmmm… If I’m lying to myself I’m sitting here saying, “I fuckin’ rock the cock off of all of these. Another test aced, JC. Couldn’t be any better at life if you tried, Dawg.” (I call myself Dawg during inner monologues, what of it?) But if I’m being honest with myself I’m looking at the chart below and saying, “Well shit, I’m pretty horrific at a majority of these.” Let’s take stock one by one.

  • Naturalist — I suck at nature; just a few weeks ago I attempted to grow some new grass on a barren area of my lawn and somehow made the dead spot look even worse. Not to mention that I am actively trying to murder the squirrels and other living things that think they have the right to shit on my property. The fucking audacity these animals have.
  • Musical – While I like listening to music, I probably only appreciate two genres of it. Also, I have zero musical ability to speak of other than the gift of audible farting.
  • Logical-Mathematical – This is my first victory on the list. I’m slightly better than average at math, but I will admit, if things get too hairy during an equation or complex word problem, I’m running the other way. YOU CAN’T STOP ME.
  • Existential – We’re born, we grow up, we start a career, we do some sex-havin’, we raise a few kids, we retire to a beautiful golf destination and suddenly embrace a swinger lifestyle, we die. To me, that’s it. That’s life. So what I’m saying is…there are coffee mugs deeper than me.
  • Interpersonal – This one is a real struggle of mine. Even thinking about my response for this I said to myself, “How can I phrase this so I don’t look like a total asshole?”  Here goes…Interacting with people (who aren’t friends or family) isn’t terribly difficult for me when I am doing it, but JESUS CHRIST I would prefer if it wasn’t a part of life.
  • Bodily Kinesthetic – Victory #2. I’m not the greatest athlete that ever lived but I can hold my own at most sports and I’ve never once missed my target during sexual intercourse. Although I have passed out a few times, which is more of an endurance/substance abuse thing.
  • Linguistic – Victory #3. Although I’m having a hard time describing why that is. JOKES!
  • Intra-personal – “Everyone has a hero, mine just so happens to be me” – Andrew Dice Clay… While I might not be on that level, I know myself and exactly what I want out of life. It’s a crying shame Life hasn’t given it to me yet. Classic Life, always being a prick like that.
  • Spatial – Yeah, no. None of this for me.

So yeah… like I said earlier, I pretty much have ZERO room to grow as a person. Rough being this perfect at life.

[9 Types Of Intelligence graphic via Funders and Founders]