Christian Fisher has no time to wait in the regular checkout aisles. Christian Fisher also has no time for putting his penis away. So that’s why Christian Fisher utilizes the self-checkout when he goes shopping and also uses it to scan his dick.
We take you to Seattle where the 31-year-old Fisher entered the Quality Food Center market around 5 p.m. on Wednesday. He went straight to the self-checkout and plopped his dong right on the scanner. I don’t think I can use the self-checkout ever, ever, ever again.
“Stan, I’m gonna need a price check on Johnsonville mini brats and meatballs.”
He then asked for a female employee’s assistance, probably not because his coupon for his carrot cake Larabars wouldn’t take. Fisher was most likely in the “6 Inches or Less” checkout aisle.
From The Smoking Gun:
When the woman approached Fisher, cops noted, “she saw that his penis was out on the stand.” The employee said she “reacted with surprise,” which caused Fisher to laugh.
A male employee said that when he saw his female coworker “reacting to something on the checkout stand,” he “walked over to see what the issue was.” The “issue,” he told police, was Fisher’s penis, which was “resting on top of the scanner.” The suspect, the report notes, “was laughing and did not make any attempts to stow away his blatantly exposed genitalia.”
Fisher fled the business before cops arrived, but he returned to the market several hours later and was confronted by workers who recognized him from the earlier incident. Fisher, cops say, ignored employee demands that he leave the store and got into a shoving match with security trying to escort him from the premises.
Police subsequently collared Fisher about a block from the store. Told that he was under arrest for indecent exposure, Fisher “became agitated and yelled ‘I didn’t whip my cock out!’” He was later booked into the county jail on the misdemeanor count and an assault rap.
Turns out that teabagging the self-checkout can get you in quite a bit of trouble.
On the positive side, I guess this deranged dude can say that a girl checked out his dick.